Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in capnkeelhaulk's LiveJournal:

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Friday, May 1st, 2009
10:00 pm	WAAHHHH!!! chibi_waru_chan , why you ruin mah lyfe?! Chapter 9 of your "86" story?!? NOOOOO!  ...Die better have only been givin' Kyo a good back massage or something or, I'mma be reeeealll sad DXX *crieeesss* (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
2:24 pm	My Die meme xD Thanks cadkitten  dahhhling. :3 1. Do you like this person? Am I filling this out? Plus, "like" isn't the word I'd use... :P  He's amazingly good looking and manly with a soft, feminine touch. 2. How do you call this person? Die-san...*moan* 3. Which color do you associate with this person? Uh, red right? I think he likes that color? xD 4. What do you like best about his look? His laugh, smile, big brown eyes...I could go on. 5. Looking at his character, what blood type do you think he has? He's gotta be a hot-blooded type xD 6. What do you want to tell that person? "Don't know what I'd do without babe, don't know where I'd be. You're not just another lover, no, you're everything to me..." 7.  What do you want to do with this person: hug, kiss or shake? All three in that order, only if he's into it too of course. :3 8. Pick five of your friends and pick one person for them: persephonia - Kaoru pirate_yomi - Tadashi Erm, those are seriosly my only friends on here besides you cadkitten dahling xD (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 28th, 2009
10:41 am	Dir en grey survey, made by livejournal user fonulyn... WOOT HO MANZ. Here is more proof of how obsessed I am, plus I'm bored and have an hour before I have to do anything :D let's see if I have the attention span for this: HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT DIR EN GREY? Seriously, when I was like 13-14 years old, my friend Kat had a friend from Tokyo named Maria who just recently introduced Kat to the world of Jrock, and at that time the song "cage" by Dir en grey was legendddd amongst us. But, I didn't really appreciate it that long ago, because at that time I was also currently going through my "punk-o-rama" phase(sporting magenta hair and chain belts and being so close-minded to think Sex Pistols and Rancid were among the greatest bands ever). So I declared that I wasn't really into Japanese Rock at the time, it just didn't catch on, ironically enough(being that Die and I had matching hair at that point xD). But technically, that was the first I had heard of Dir en grey and so I always "knew" who they were by name anyway, but I wouldn't become a fan until 2007.  WHICH SONG/CLIP AND WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT? FUCKING "CAGE" BITCHES! Whether I was really into it or not, that song was epic. I still remember hearing that crazy, complicated opening bass line for the first time. It gave me chills, it had me shaking in my steel-toed Doc Martens. I had to respect them, even if I was a foul-mouthed, junior high punk bitch who "couldn't understand Japanese". WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF KYO? Loved him. It was at the Deftones/Fall of Troy show, and they were up. Kyo just, literally, SKIPPED out onto the stage, smiling and joyous(I know, NO ONE believes me when I tell them. People. I was not high nor was I drinking at this show, being underage, and I swear on my dead father's grave...he was fucking skipping like a gleeful little boy with easter candy!). So, basically I loved this guy. It seemed like, he did take what he was doing very seriously, but he also still had a sense of humor about it all. Like, "Hey, the world is a fucked up place, so let's just do our best to have a great time in spite of this shit." That was my first impression of "kyo-chan". WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF DIE? I melted. Into a pool of jelly. Never has any "celebrity" had this effect on me(I met my hero Billy Idol just last year and was able to be cool, just fine!). But Die, oh no. It was all over when we first locked eyes in the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium. I was in-fucking-love with him. So basically, that translates into my first impression of him was that he was a hot, steaming pot of sex and star power. Fin. KAORU? He scares me. TOSHIYA? Mother fucking legendary bass player! The best that ever lived! He rocked that stage like it was a cradle in his hands! Yes I swear a lot! So does Kyo, get fucking used to it. SHINYA? Okay, I would usually deny and poke fun at him and say, "Guh huh I thought he was a woman loool!" but no. When I first saw Shinya, he was a savage beast tearing up his drum set like it was bits paper. Whenever I wasn't drooling over Die, I was checking Shinya out thinking, "DAMN that guy is fine on drums, look at him go! What a savage!" so yeah. He is, in person, very manly. I'll give that to ya Shinya-kun. His girlfriend, is STOKED. DO YOU STILL THINK THE SAME? The only thing that's changed in my opinions is that, I'm not AS scared of Kaoru, as I've been privileged enough to meet him in person, he was still very intimidating though. Die is a warm ball of fuzz, not as much of the "smoldering tempter" as I thought he would be. He is almost too friendly, which was still awesome. Other than those few things, I still think the same. Oh except I now make fun of Shinya more for looking like such a woman in his pics xD.  HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A FAN? Definitely since 2007, I couldn't call myself a fan any earlier than that. I mean I knew who they were yeah, but I just didn't appreciate them and all their music until now. I don't consider myself their "number one" fan to this day, so all you elitists can go fuck yourselves up the ass until it bleeds. :D! IS THERE A PRECISE REASON FOR WHY YOU LOVE THEM? *le sigh* I really don't have a way with words, but if I can possibly sum it up whatever I feel about them... Dir en grey and their music are what protect me. If that makes any sense, their music makes me feel strong and powerful. I was abused as a kid, by various "boyfriends" because my mother could never find a decent replacement for a father after mine died, and she failed at protecting me from anything, so Dir en grey are like my fathers in a sense. They offer me that same protection, their music makes me feel like I have that same support that a father figure could give me. And that is why I love them and their music. People can say all they want, I have endured many a judgment for liking them, but I don't care because Kyo feels my pain, he understands and has empathy for the way that I feel sometimes. Therefore, I could never repay what this band has given me, I am alive to this day because of them and their music. Thanks guys. WHAT DOES YOUR CIRCLE THINK ABOUT DIR EN GREY? Well, except for Kat(sometimes) and my new found internet friend cadkitten(:D), everyone in my "circle" thinks Dir en grey are a bunch of "faggots who have Goth fetishes and like to rip people up". Wow. This is seriously what they think after watching the "I'll" PV off of my iPod. Seriously?! I am amazed sometimes that I live in Santa Cruz, a rather "progressive thinking" place and still people get freaked out by shit like this. Assholes. WHAT OTHER BANDS DO YOU LIKE? Yeah, it's always changing. But the other bands I like that are somewhat relevant include "Nine Inch Nails" "D'espairsray" "L.MC" "Plastic Tree" "Deftones" "The 69 eyes" "Type O Negative" "Radiohead" "Rob Pattinson"(STFU just go listen to 'Never Think' and then judge me xD)....there are just so many. Those are just a few of the artists I'm listening to, right at this moment. Oh and Neil Young. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE MEMBER AND WHY? For the sake of this survey I will be forced to pick ONE member(lol). I love them all for different reasons, but I'm gonna have to go with Die, for the most obvious reason of all. *___* WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG AND WHY? SHIT. Are you serious?! There's one for each of my moods and then some. But let's see, it has to be OBSCURE. Anytime, anywhere, it's loud and it's proud. I love the crazy guitar in it, the thundering drums. It gets you fucking off your seat and dancing like a Native around the sacred fire or something. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LIVE SONG AND WHY? Oh, so many. I love seeing anything of theirs live, period. But I'll have to say "Conceived Sorrow" just this last tour, that was fucking just, beautiful. I was crying, right then and there. Perfect acoustic, just, everything about it. My mom actually watched it on youtube and cried. That's a huge leap from her watching their stuff and being disgusted. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SINGLE AND WHY? Uuuggghhhh. "I'll" It has to be. I love it's "fairy tale" themes, I love the video for it, awesome single.  It's a song I'm un-ashamed to be screaming out the window while driving around in my car for all the world to hear. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ALBUM AND WHY? I've narrowed it down to a definitive tie between "Kisou" and "Vulgar". "Vulgar" was the first album I listened to, and it made me sit the fuck down and listen to it all the way through. I was in awe. I love "Kisou" to though because of all the hits on it, but it's also because "JESSICA" is on it. I FUCKING LOVE THAT SONGGG. Actually can I change "I'll" to "JESSICA" as my favorite single? That's the first song I translated and I fucking love every single word of it, and I love Kaoru for doing the brilliant, punk beat music to it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. So there you see I'm torn xD. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG FROM THE ALBUM UROBOROS? Dude, I have to say I love the cd as a whole. Dozing Green, Vinushka, Glass Skin...it's a good one. WHO'S THE MOST EPIC BLOGGER OUT OF THEM? They...blog? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT KYO? He's fucking short yet will still kick your fucking ass to hell and back! LOVE YOU GUY! *kiss* WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT DIE? That he is sex, wrapped up and ready to go. He's so perfect looking it makes me feel like shit. Yet he's as friendly and approachable as my kitteh... WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT KAORU? That he will, and maybe even has, killed someone. Such a bad asss. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT TOSHIYA? That he's a fun-loving idiot sometimes, but he's the most legendary bass player, ever. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT SHINYA? That he looks like a woman, yet he's probably the strongest male out of all of them. I bet he could rip a phonebook in half with those guns he's got*drools*. WHICH MEMBER OF DIR EN GREY DO YOU FIND THE MOST ATTRACTIVE? Hands down, game over, drop your controllers over DIE. DAI-SU-KE. Sexiest man a-fucking-live. WHICH MEMBER OF DIR EN GREY DO YOU FIND THE LEAST ATTRACTIVE? Uhm, I don't think that's possible. If any of them approached me, wanting me, I'd drop my panties in a hot second. Yes, even if it was on the street. WHICH MEMBER OF DIR EN GREY DO YOU MOST RELATE TO? Kyo. Not just because he's the vocalist so we hear his thoughts more than the others, I just GET him. I'm not at all intimidated of his displays of self-mutilation or lyrics about the most taboo of subjects...in some sick way it all just made sense to me. I'd like it if we could scream in each other's ears over dinner sometime. SO YOU THINK YOU WOULD MATCH WITH HIM? ...what?  WHICH MEMBER OF DIR EN GREY DO YOU FIND TO BE THE MOST TALENTED? Oh shit, they are all talented at what they do. Die is the most talented at binging though, he can gain and lose weight faster than that brown paper bag that you're breathing in and out of. Damn boy, just eat already and stick with it! And Kaoru is the most talented because he refuses to lose, at anything. It's a little scary. WHAT IS KYO'S MOST PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE FEATURE? I agree with everyone it's those abs. And his cat eyes. WHAT IS DIE'S MOST PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE FEATURE? EVERYTHING. Inside and out. Dammmnnn fine. WHAT IS KAORU'S MOST PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE FEATURE? Hmm, his nose. And his crafty hands, I dropped my cd when I went to give it to him to sign, but he caught it mid-fall, opened it and signed it in less time than I could say, "ooops sorry!". Oh what those hands could do.... WHAT IS TOSHIYA'S MOST PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE FEATURE? His back. It's ripped! And I'm sure he's got some nice hands too. WHAT IS SHINYA'S MOST PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE FEATURE? Those guns of his. Damn when they flex I think the world stops turning. Superman! EVER BEEN TO ONE OF THEIR LIVES? WHEN? WHERE? HOW WAS IT?! I've seen them only twice, in Santa Cruz and San Francisco. The S.F. show was off the hook! They had soooo many gay fans(awesome!), plus the crowd was fantastic, so many different kinds of people there. Plus I got to meet both Die and Kaoru who were very amicable(I nearly fainted, let's just admit it now). IS DIR EN GREY BETTER LIVE OR IN STUDIO? Awesome in both. HOW MANY OF THEIR CDs DO YOU OWN? All of them. ALL OF THEM. DO YOU OWN ANY OTHER DIR EN GREY GOODS? IF SO, LIKE WHAT? Eh, I sprung for the 'a knot of' DVD which was okay, but I got their sticker which is now on my laptop for all to see yay!!! DO YOU OWN A KNOT OF, TOUR05 IT WITHERS AND WITHERS OR ANY OTHER LIVE DVD? A knot of, and a couple others on my comp... ARE THERE ANY PINUPS OR POSTERS OF THEM UP ON YOUR WALL? Actually no, it's all on my desktops *stares at Die* HOW MANY DIR EN GREY MP3s DO YOU HAVE? ahaha wait...like...200. WHAT DIR EN GREY SONGS OFTEN PLAY ON YOUR PLAYLIST/MP3 PLAYER? G.D.S., Schwein-no isu, Yurameki, Raison d'etre, Cage, I'll, Mitsu no Tsuba, Yokan, JESSICA, Kasumi, 24ko cylinders, berry, taiyou no ao, Audrey, mushi, kiri to mayu, byo shin, umbrella(live)....... WHAT'S YOUR MOST CHERISHED DIR EN GREY ITEM? My signed cd of course! And my sticker :3 WHAT DIR EN GREY ITEM DO YOU WANT THE MOST? Uhm, eh, a t-shirt would cool! All I need is them really xD. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DIR EN GREY STYLE? (COSTUMES)? The costumes for the "Drain Away" PV. I WANT KAORU'S JACKET! SO BAD! WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KYO STYLE? Hmm, that is SO HARD to choose just one dude. I liked what he was wearing in the "embryo" PV. I like it when he's all punky with his piercings and shit that shit's cool. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DIE STYLE? I prefer him naked. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KAORU STYLE? Kaoru has the coolest clothes of anyone I have seen/met/know. I would kill to raid his wardrobe! WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TOSHIYA STYLE? Anything where he's dressed up like a girl. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SHINYA STYLE? I like what he's been doing as of most recent, that man-tank looks good on him. PLEASE TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CD JACKET: Kisou. That was easy! DO YOU OR HAVE YOU EVER COSPLAYED THEM? No, I have not, amazingly enough! HOW OFTEN DO YOU VISIT DIR EN GREY'S OHP? What?   WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE OHP? You mean OTP? Oh I think my OTP has to be Kaoru and Kyo. CUTE!! XD LMaoooo. DO YOU OWN A DIR EN GREY WEBSITE? No I do not.   ARE YOU A MEMBER OF -a knot-? No I am not. HAVE YOU WRITTEN ANY LETTERS OR SENT ANY GIFTS TO THE BAND? I have not done this, as I am a cynic and know they will most likely never read it. RIGHT NOW, IF YOU COULD GIVE THE MEMBERS A PRESENT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'D GIVE THEM? I'd finally get to throw my hello kitty panties at Die. Mewww! :3 WHAT DIR EN GREY SONG MAKES YOU HAPPIEST? JESSICA. WHAT SONG MAKES YOU THE SADDEST? GRIEF. WHAT DIR EN GREY SONG MAKES YOU THE MOST EMOTIONAL? Mazohyst of a Decadence. WHAT DIR EN GREY SONG MAKES YOU START THE DAY WELL? G.D.S.! Come now, after listening to that song I'm ready for anything. WHAT DIR EN GREY SONG HELPS YOU FALL ASLEEP? Mushi, or undecided. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE DIR EN GREY LYRICS? "GARDEN itsu no hi ka wa deaeru to negatta itsumo GARDEN sugi yuku kono kisetsu no nake de itsu made mo... anata wo" (SHIT I almost forgot about Garden, greatest song on the face of the earth! And the best drinking song! xD) WHICH SONG BEST INSPIRES YOU? Well, besides of course all of them for different reasons, Garden totally inspires me. I remember my friend Kat and I actually getting a small part of the audience to start singing the chorus right before they started playing. At least I got Die laughing xDDD. WHICH SONGS DO YOU LOVE TO SING ALONG TO? ALL of them. For real. WHAT DIR EN GREY SONG WOULD YOU LOVE TO COVER? GARDEN! I had a dream I did a cover for that xD or Drain Away so I could wear those cool clothes. WHAT DIR EN GREY SONG HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO A LOT AS OF LATE? Deity xD I know, so random. WHAT SONG MAKES YOU WANT TO GET UP AND HEADBANG?! Repetition of Hatred<---I second this!! Besides saku of course WHICH SONG WOULD YOU RECOMMEND TO SOMEONE WHO IS INTERESTED IN LISTENING TO THEM? uhhhh....shit. That's hard because it will depend on what kind of fan they will be. SInce I heard songs like "cage" and "berry" first I am mostly stuck in the past with them. I like their new stuff, but definitely not as much as their older stuff. So I would recommend anything off of "withering to death." I guess, just because they would become a fan of the present. And then maybe after listening to all their new stuff they would get into their older stuff, but it's a totally different experience. Guh, it's complicated. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DIR EN GREY CHANGING OVER THE YEARS MUSICALLY? As mentioned above, there's a point after "Vulgar" where their music became a different experience. I love all their stuff, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the new stuff is bad and the old stuff is better I'm not like that. I love whatever they do it's just, it's different. I like it. They grew up or something xD. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DIR EN GREY CHANGING OVER THE YEARS VISUALLY? Well, it just changed is all. As I said, it's like they grew up. Their earlier looks were way more extravagant, and theatrical, which is cool but their newer look must be a hell of a lot easier to maintain xD. It's all good, I like that their stuff is always changing and growing. And it's probably a lot healthier for Die not to keep feeding his hair red 40 all the time lolz. WHAT IS YOUR MOST CHERISHED MEMORY OF DIR EN GREY? It will always be the live 'Garden' performance at Osaka jo. I know, but seriously, that performance was fucking magical. I wasn't there, but I sure as hell felt like I was. WOULD YOU EVER GET A DIR EN GREY RELATED TATTOO? I want to. WOULD YOU EVER GET ANYTHING ELSE DIR EN GREY RELATED? Sure, their hair and clothes fucking rock. IS BEING A DIR EN GREY FAN A GOOD THING? Trust me, everyone else it missing out. DO YOU THINK THERE ARE ANY BAD THINGS ABOUT BEING A DIR EN GREY FAN? Some of their fans are fucking crazy. Just, seriously, the scum of the earth. Also, normal people can't relate to your fucking obsession over them, so it's been a little challenging to find friends where I am, I have to pretend that I'm not thinking about them 24/7. You just have to find a balance, one where you can love the music to death but not let it interfere with the rest of your work/school/life. It's hard!  WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT YOU WERE A DIR EN GREY FAN? Yeah, the moment I first saw them at the Deftones/Fall of Troy show. I didn't even stay to watch all of Deftones, I stayed for two songs, then left, because I realized the show was over. I was addicted to Dir en grey. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT DIR EN GREY FANS? It's been interesting, a lot of the ones I've met have been cool, and aren't complete freaks about it ya know? They're just adjusted to life but also happen to LOVE Dir en grey and what they stand for. But then there's another breed, actually a couple, there are the complete sluts for the band, who are there simply because they want to sleep with them and think they have more of chance than anyone else, and know only one or two of their songs. The other is all the Wapanese peeps who speak "Japenglish" and think that they are the bigger fans because they've listened to all their old stuff first. Fuck. Some people, I tell you. I liked the cute Asian girls behind me in line, who could laugh with me when they over heard me saying, "Where's my lovely midgety-bobbit?!" and knew I was talking about Kyo, who was standing like ten feet away from me at their tour bus. Fans who can have a sense of humor about it all, those peeps are chillin'. QUIT TAKING THIS SHIT SO SERIOUSLY ASSHOLES. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYWAY, AND THEY CARE MORE ABOUT PUTTING OUT A GOOD ALBUM OR DOING A GOOD SHOW. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET HUMBLE YOU MAGGOTS! End rant. HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANY KIND OF INFLUENCE AFTER BECOMING A FAN? For sure I dress cooler, and my Japanese sounds way better xD it's true! DESCRIBE DIR EN GREY IN ONE WORD: ASHI. DESCRIBE KYO IN ONE WORD: denrai. DESCRIBE DIE IN ONE WORD: keikoku. DESCRIBE KAORU IN ONE WORD: eiki. DESCRIBE TOSHIYA IN ONE WORD: warudzie. DESCRIBE SHINYA IN ONE WORD: binsoku. IF YOU COULD SPEND ONE DAY WITH KYO WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Dude. I don't know what I would do with myself, so let's hope it never happens lol. DIE? It's too x-rated to put into words here xD. And then I would be absolutely broken hearted when he would have to go. So, regrettably I say that I hope this never happens. KAORU? i would have so many questions for him, honestly the whole time would like, who? what? when? where? why? how? I'd have to buy him a few beers for the trouble. So let's hope this never happens. TOSHIYA? Tear shit up! We would party so hard together we'd leave clubs in rubble and dust. Throw toilet paper on people's houses and meat on their cars. So, let's definitely hope this never happens. SHINYA? I'd would just want to make him an at-home dinner, we'd talk about things and hang out with his cute dog. But he has a girlfriend, so this is not gonna happen. HONESTLY, WHICH MEMBER HAS THE BEST REFLEXES? Shinya<---I would second that, but after Kaoru caught my cd like he did I'm beginning to re-think this lol. SMARTEST? Kaoru<---yeah I second that xD MOST PERVERTED? Kaoru *laughs* The shirts XD ^ I also second that, but Die and Toshiya are pretty damn perverse to lol. xD the three of them together, oh my... SMOKES THE MOST? Die (yeah, that's probably true xD) THE MOST MATURE? I would say Kyo too, but Shinya is up there, even being the youngest he has this air about him of an older man. CAN YOU RANK THE MEMBERS? For what? Hotness? Smarts? You give me nothing to work with. WHAT ROLE WOULD YOU PUT THE FOLLOWING MEMBERS IN? PLEASE GIVE YOUR REASON. who would you marry: I don't think they're the "marrying type". But Die, of course :3 *blush* who would be your boyfriend: This is a little redundant. But for argument's sake, probably Shinya. He must make a great, responsible boyfriend. But, I'm already married to Die according to the above question lol. who would be your best friend: Kyo. who would be your sibling: Toshiya <---oddly enough I agree! who would be your pet: that's so wrong(Die of course xD) who would be your dad/mom: They are all, on some level, my fathers. Kaoru mostly xD (lol wtf). UROBOROS OR MARROW OF A BONE? Marroboros. VULGAR OR WITHERING TO DEATH.? WULGAR. SIX UGLY OR KISOU? Sixusou. MACABRE OR GAUZE? Macauze. MISSA OR GAUZE? Missauze. THE FAMILY VALUES TOUR 2006 OR DEFTONES TOUR 2007? Deftones. Love at first sight. IF YOU COULD MEET ONLY ONE MEMBER OF DIR EN GREY WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHAT WOULD YOU TELL HIM? Uhm, hmm. I think I would say Kaoru, just because I would have something much more meaningful to say to him rather the I LOVE YOU OMG shit I would say to Die. I would talk all kinds of philosophy with Kaoru, it would be deep. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO KYO? "You are everything to me and nothing at the same time. You have shown me the world, you have shown me life. And then you disappear, and you take the shape of every man, woman and child I see everyday on the street. When I hear of what's going on in all the continents, on the news, I hear your voice. You are the messenger. You say what no one else can, you say what no one else wants to. You bring everything to the light, everything. Nothing can hide, nothing goes unsaid. You are everything and nothing. I may not be able to see you all the time, but I hear your voice always. Thank you." WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO DIE? "You are love. You are what is to love and be loved. You are a shimmering perfection of both man and woman. You are a man, but have a woman's touch. Your eyes are hard and masculine, your mouth and smile soft and feminine. Your energy and vitality go on like a man's, your understanding and compassion like a woman's. You are divine, I love you." WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO KAORU? "You carry the strength of a thousand watts of electricity through you and your music. You music, is like a storm, a squall. This strength is unmatched in my eyes, I tremble in your very presence." WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO TOSHIYA? "Crazy mother fucker, your bass is insane! Call me let's get highhhh xD" WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO THE MANAGERS AND STAFF? You guys are crazy. Bless you for doing what you do, you make us all so happy for making Dir en grey possible. Good work. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD FOR DIR EN GREY IN THE FUTURE? Let's just keep rocking guys. WILL YOU ALWAYS STAY A FAN? Always and forevaaa. AND FINALLY, HOW WILL YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER DIR EN GREY? My fathers of five, my strength and my raison d'etre. May "THE FINAL" play at my funeral. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 15th, 2009
1:52 pm	111 Questions, I have no life. 1)Are you really ready for 111 questions? Holy crap, bombardment! Okay... 2) Was your last real relationship a mistake? He was the mistake. 3) Who is your best friend? Kat, forever and evaaa. 4) Who did you last say “I love you” to? My momma ^_^ 5) Do you regret it? Why? 6) Have you ever been depressed? Oh good God, you have no idea, you don't want to know. 7)Are you a boy or girl? I feel truly like I'm a nerdy guy trapped in this beautiful body. 8) Do you like boys or girls? Boys, boys, boys! Sorry girls, pussy just doesn't do it for me. 9) What is your relationship status? Singleeee. *Groan* 10) How do you want to die? Prelude to vampirism. (Thanks for that Liz* 11) What did you last eat? One hard boiled egg. I'm not gonna lie I loathe eating right now. Except for Japanese food and Italian food, mmm. 12) Played any sports? Not any organized ones. I dance, I do yoga? 13) Do you bite your nails ? No 14) When was your last physical fight? Oh man, last Friday night. I've already vlogged about this. 15) Do you have an attitude? Psh, I do what want! Gotta problem with that? 16) Do you like someone? I like someone right now only for their mind, but not their body at all! I love their brain, but the physical attraction is missing. Argh. It's frustrating. 17) What is your real name? Kerry Louise Hampton. I'm thinking of changing it ASAP though because facebook tells me many other girls have the EXACT SAME NAME as me!  18) Who was your first kiss? Who? Oh you're kidding I can't remember names like that. Honestly, I have not yet found someone that I've have that kind of "chemistry" with. 19) Are you gonna get high later ? Not today, no. 20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? That's a strong word that I save for the worst kind of people. But I gotta say that 14-yr-old conservative kid from Georgia is starting to annoy me... 21) Do you miss someone? All the time, until I die. 22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? Twirl! I am Italian man who "cuts" spaghetti?! Freaks! 23) Do you tan a lot? Only when the sun is actually out :( 24) Have any pets? Two dogs and a cat named Lulu. 25) How exactly are you feeling? Tired, annoyed, stressed out. Probably how everyone else in America is feeling. 26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? Gotta save time yo! 27) Ever made out in the bathroom? Honestly, no. Why? I never am in the mood when I go to the bathroom... 28) Would you take any of your exes back? Oh God no. 29) Are you scared of spiders? No! I catch them with my hands, the ones that aren't poisonous of course. 30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Oh yes, I could have prevented at least some horrible things from not happening. 31) Do you regret anything from your past? Many, but they're in the past and I've accepted and forgave the way things ended up. Almost. 32) What are your plans for this weekend? It has passed, I went to a concert, had to work, and tonight I'm going to a bonfire of sorts. Brrr. 33) Do you want to have kids? Not anytime soon, that's for sure. 34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M? I might have kissed a Michael, honest to God I can't remember any guy I've kissed that was a memorable kisser. Let alone all their names. I don't know who's teaching guys to kiss these days, they need some work. 35) Do you type fast? My fingers are a blur. 36) Do you have piercings? How many? Just my ears. 37) Want any more? No more please. Tattoos, I will seriously consider. 38) Can you spell well? I am a freak about spelling, I use spell check every time and I correct other people's spelling XD. 39) Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes we covered this awhile back. 40) What are you craving right now? free time, sushi. 41) Ever been to a bonfire party? I live in Santa Cruz, CA. They are apart of coming of age here. 42) Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? John. He was such a good boyfriend, came from a well-to-do family, had charming manners. Really he gets an A+ he did everything right. But we grew apart because he was an Uptown boy and I a downtown girl. 43) Have you ever been on a horse? Yes, my Aunt in Texas lives on a ranch. Valentine, a chestnut gelding(?) I believe was my first and last love in horses. 44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck? That's just way to country for me. 45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I did not mean to, that's for sure. I'm sorry I ever did, but that's the way it goes sometimes. 46) Have you ever been cheated on? No. 47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? I have made many boys cry/get visibly upset. Something about me I guess. 48) Have you ever been broken up with? Surprisingly no! I have always had to be the one to do the dirty work. 49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? But of course. I was raised a Catholic, but for Heaven's sake I'm not THAT strict xD. 50) What should you be doing? Homework, house cleaning, mundane errands, bills, working...so many other things. 51) What’s irritating you right now? my workload, superficial friends. 52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Oh my yes. When I met this one guy, and had to look him straight in his eyes, my whole world fell apart. I have always, and will always, be desperately in love with him. But I will never know him, oddly enough. 53) Does somebody love you? My friends and close family members. 54) What is your favorite color? Scarlet. 55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Oh yeah, I live in a beach town. 56) Have you ever traveled outside the US? Only to Mexico and Canada. 57) Do you have trust issues? Absolutely. 58) Do you believe in love at first sight? Oh yes, I covered this a couple questions back. 59) Do you kiss on a first date? It depends, sometimes it just goes there... 60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? My mom, it's complicated though. 61) Are you parents still married? My father passed away awhile ago and my mum has claimed permanent widow status. 62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? I'm sure he does, and I don't care, I reflect on some of them from time to time. 63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom always seems to be there for that. 64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Only when it's justified. So no, I don't 65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget 66) Is this year the best year of your life? It's been better than a lot of years. 67) What was your child hood nickname? Care bear, kerry berry oh it goes on and on... 68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? haha sure I have, I like tanning naked when I can. 69) Would you go sky diving? HELL NO. I have a phobia of falling from high places, scares me to death. 70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes, I want to convert to Buddhism so I've been reading into it. So yes I do. 71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Going to bed? What is that? 72) What kind of wedding do you want? Big or small? Casual or formal? God these questions are silly, I will figure that out when I find someone I even want to go that far with. 73) What is bothering you? So many things, like how I'm going to pay for certain things this month. 74) Have you ever been out of your state? Sure, man I love traveling, 75) Do you play the Wii? Haha that thing is WEIRD but yes I've played. I ended up beating the shit out of that remote though, 76) Are you listening to music right now? ALWAYS. "Join Me" by H.I.M. 77) Do you like Chinese food? Some of it... 78) Do you know your fathers b- day? July 15th, 1954-January 7th, 1994 79) Are you afraid of the dark? LOVE THAT SHOW! Oh man. 80) Is cheating ever okay? Not unless you tell the person FIRST, and then talk about why you'd even want to do that in the first place. It's never okay to lie about it. 81) Are you mean? Yes, I have been a bitch. 82) Can you keep white shoes clean? Fuck no, that's why they're black 83) What are your favorite kind of shoes? BOOTS. And stilettos. 84) Do you believe in true love? I do. 85) How old do you want to be when you get married? Well, for conversation's sake I'll admit that I would have thought I'd be married by my mid-20s. But that is silly, I will be whatever age it justs depends on who I find, or finds me. 86) Would you ever elope? Honestly what is the difference between "elope" and "marriage"? I think that word is outdated or something. Quit asking me when I'm gonna get married dammit. 87) Would you marry someone that your family hated? Please... 88) Do you like the outside? I do like the outdoors sometimes, I only like tropical weather though. 89) Are you currently bored? Duh, I'm spending time on this. 90) Do you wanna get married? Give me a break. 91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? it's juvenile really, I guess it's okay if it's someone I'm truly smitten with. 92) Are you hungry? YES. D: 93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Sure. Yeah that was a good time actually... 94) What makes you happy? Make-up and hair styling, cute clothes, Harajuku district, Japanese anything really.... 95) Would you change your name? YES. 96) Ever been to Alaska? no 97) Ever been to Hawaii? yes 98) Do you watch the news? I read the news otherwise Colbert and Stewart rock my WORLD. 99) What’ s your zodiac sign? Gemini/Rabbit 100) Do you like Subway? Quizznos!!! The sponge monkeys tell me to!! 101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Oh no, that was a one time drunken night thing. 102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Then I have to be honest with myself, do I feel the same way? If I do great let's do this. If I don't, let's please remain friends and work this out. I am an adult now and my guy friends are too, so either way it would be civilized. 103) Do you talk like your friends? Sometimes yes. 104) When you're upset who do you call? GHOSTBUSTERS!!!! 105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? Oh so many times. 106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? YES! Gregz and Sid vicious, they are awesome. 107) Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Sid last night. He's the best friend. 108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? Nope, not at all. Though I will warn them what it does to their lungs. 109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My mom, always. 110) Favorite lyrics right now? "When love and death embrace, take me in your arms, I need you." -H.I.M. 111) Can you count to one million? Who has the time for that? Well, maybe some people but I'm sure not one of them. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 21st, 2009
2:08 pm	Kaoru's belated birthday present XD ( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. ) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
1:27 pm	It's been raining a monsoon! I just need to document how hard it's been raining outside here in Santa Cruz, CA. It would be fun and scary at the same time to be on a ship in such a wild storm XD yaaay! But being indoors like this has been driving me CRAZY. Guuuhhh. I finally got back to work yesterday, that was awesome. All my photoshoots were cancelled over the weekend though due to this weather! We need the rain I know but holy fucking hell. Well that is all for now, I need to go eat something finally. Oh but I didn't get to talk about that I received my A Knot Of DVD on Valentine's Day btw!! That was an awesome V-day gift XD having the Diru boys live on my tv mmhhhmmm. But I was a little disappointed at how brief some of the footage is, like when they were touring with the Deftones they showed one performance and Die getting drunk as hell off something XD. I mean, sure that was probably the one highlight of that tour and all, I heard from other places and people that it was overall a mixed bag. That's too bad! Because that was the first concert I've seen them do, that tour actually stopped in Santa Cruz, CA 0_o. I mean seriously, just to brief everyone the only bands that come here are crazy, no-one's-ever-heard-of punk bands and then every known reggae band ever in history. So to have Dir en grey here was amazing, even if I knew very little about them at the time. I just had to go see them because they were actually playing HERE XD. And quite frankly, out of the two other bands, their performance was flawless. I actually left after they played. I was thinking at the time, "DAMN DUDE, I'm in trouble. I have found a new obsession." It was crazy. I knew the minute I saw Die, I was like, "I think I just creamed my panties. " XD And I probably did. Their presence was known, you just had to respect them, it's in their aura's or something. So when I saw the footage on the DVD you could imagine I was a little miffed that all that was covered was Kyo bleeding like crazy(he didn't even cut himself at the show I went to) and Die was drinking down some brandy or something. If they wanted to make a statement of sorts, saying, 'yeah, those were the highlights of the tour' then WOW that sucks. I guess it didn't cross anyone's mind that people were seeing them for the first time and were totally blown away by what they saw?! I mean yeah they only played for like, 40 minutes maybe but for sure, that was enough to get me hooked. I''m not saying I dislike the whole DVD all-together, no, I did like it. I'm just saying I was expecting to reminisce a little over the first time I ever saw them, and all I got to remember was how much that tour sucked for them XD. Ouch. Alright, end rant. I have a mission to go get a goddamned Green Tea Latte for an a-forementioned subject. Ta for now. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 26th, 2009
5:38 pm	A, B, Cs of me! A - Available: Painfully so - Age:  21 - Annoyance: Stupid people/most people, people who can't drive. - Animal: Tiger!!! Except my Chinese zodiac sign is the Rabbit lolz. But I love tigers moarrr! B - Beer: is good. - Birthday: June 8 - Best Friend: My other half Kat-chan. - Best feeling in the world: ORGASM baby! XD<---sex face - Big words: splendiforous, multi-orgasmic - Blind or Deaf: Vampirism. - Best weather: Tropical - Been in Love: Sure, who hasn't? - Been b****** out?: FUCK no I don't take that shit! I AM the bitch mother fucker! - Been on stage?: Yes - Believe in yourself: yes - Believe in life on other planets: yes - Believe in miracles: yes - Believe in Magic: YEAH - Believe in Satan: you mean Dick Cheney? C - Car: Passat V6 - Candy: lovin youuuu like sweet, sweet candyyy XD - Color: Emerald, scarlet. - Cried in school: Not only that, I was on stage crying at my high school. In front of everyone and their mothers. - Chocolate/Vanilla: Choclate. Vanilla is a easy whore. - Cake or pie: Jesus you're asking me to CHOOSE? *head 'splodes* - Countries to visit: Germany right now, live in Japan later. D - Day or Night: Twilight/Evening - Danced: in the rain!!! - Dance in the rain?: NAKED! - Do splits?: ouuuch. E - Eggs: have 'em, eat 'em. - Eyes: green - Everyone has a: secret fetish XD - Ever failed a class?: yes in cawlledge. XD F - First crush: Had 'em ever since I could walk! - Full name: Kerry Louise Hampton   - First thoughts waking up: I'm so happy!!! - Food: i love. G - Greatest Fear: Dude, why would I tell you?! - Giver or taker: Taker. I've definitely been one. - Gum: Eh, no. - Get along with your parents?: Barely, my mum is a fucking handful XD my father passed on, so. - Good luck charm: Hello Kitty panties XD H - Hair Color: brownish reddish blackish mess - Height: 5' 9" - Happy: Very - Holiday: Hallow's Eve - How do you want to die: Getting fucked to death by a sexy vampire XD - Health freak?: Hell no. - Hate: Insane Baptists, anyone who has committed a hate crime. I - Ice Cream: Strawberry Haagen-Dahz - Instrument: Vox, Guitar, Keyboard J - Jewelry: I'm always blinged out! K - Kids: Not right now - Kickboxing or karate: Karate. - Keep a journal?: a live journal. XD L - Longest Car Ride: L.A. and back babay! - Love: is the sweeetest thing - Letter: K - Laughed so hard you cried: Just today! - Love at first sight: Yes. Die is GORGEOUS in person XD LAST PERSON WHO... 1. Slept in a bed beside you?: ....it's been that long 2. Saw you cry?: Always my mom   3. Went to the movies with you?: My mom 4. You went to the mall with?: My mom, I don't go to the mall EVER, she's the only person I know who wants to go XD. 5. You went to dinner with?: Myself! 6. You talked to on the phone?: KAT XD 7. Made you laugh?: Oh, so many people. M - Milk flavor: Flavor? Chocolate milk :3 - Mooned anyone?: Yes!! Guilty as charged XD I have such a great ass though! It was a gift for them as it was to embarass/insult them. - Marriage?: Won't do it until everyone can. - Motion sickness?: Only when I go upside down XD - McD's or BK?: Shit. N - Number of Siblings: 1 - Number of Piercings: 2 O - Overused Phrases: "STOKED!" "AWESOME!" "I'M HIGH RIGHT NOW!" XDD - One wish: One loooove, one liiife, LET'S GET TOGETHER AND, FEEL ALRIGHT! P - Place you'd like to live: Japan - Perfect Pizza: OMFG CHEESY DELICIOUS PIZZA I LOVE IT!!!! - Pepsi/Coke: Coke. Q -Quail: I LOVE DEM BIRDS!!! R - Reason to cry: Starbucks was OUT of those chocolate-dipped madeleines I LOVE!! WHHHHY!!! Oh and, not going to a Dir en grey concert. I would cry/die. XD - Radio Station: 91.9 BBC - Roll your tongue in a circle?: Yes ;) call me baby S - Song: "Kodoku Ni Shisu, Yueni Kodoku"  or "JESSICA" by Dir en grey, "6 Little Eggs(Man Without Face) Edit" by Bass Rockers vs. DJ Pedro - Shoe size: 7! I have small feet! D: - Salad Dressing: Ewww salad XD Plum or miso dressing if ever - Sushi: MY LIFE. - Scent: Apple Ginger, or SEX XD. - Skipped school: Fuck yeah, fuck institution up it's asshole. - Slept outside: Yes. - Seen a dead body?: I've seen a dying one. I've seen dead animal bodies, too. - Shower Daily?: I try. - Swear: Fuck yeah I fucking swear you cunt licking bastard! - Stuffed Animals?: are LOVE. - Sports?: Golf, tennis, frisbee, swimming, rock-climbing. - Single/Group dates: Any date is a good one XD. - Strawberries/Blueberries: I love every single berry nature has to offer. DELICIOUS. Dipped in Chocolate. - Scientists need to invent: Right now, they should be concentrating on curing major ailments, and  making a car that runs on coal or something. Christ already! T - Time for bed: When I feel like it. - Thunderstorms: Run through mah VEINS. - Touch your tongue to your nose?: At least to one of my nostrils XD I'm no Gene Simmons but I think my tongue rocks. U - Unpredictable: OH GOD THOSE LEMURS! From Madagascar? MOVE IT PEOPLE! *dances* V - Vegetable you love: Kale. - Vacation spot: Hawaii W - Weakness: I have none. No fear. - When you grow up: I'll be famous - Which one of your friends acts the most like you: KAT :D - Worst feeling: When you know someone you love is going to die, and you can do nothing about it. - Where do we go when we die: Into the Mystic. - Worst weather: Windy AND raining. X -X-Rays: Never had one ^^ Y -Year it is now: 2009 -Yellow: Mellow Z - Zoo animal: Tiger - Zodiac sign: Rabbit/Gemini (Comment on this)
Friday, January 16th, 2009
10:39 pm	World travel! I've just applied to the 2009 STA student travel internship? I randomly stumbled across it online and decided why the fuck not? They send me around to foreign places to document the cultural happenings of different countries and so on. Fun! I may be crazy enough to do it XD. Plus I get nutso with a camera around strange people :3 yaaay. Work drama is hilarious, btw. The trend going on at my SBUX store currently is, forgetting when your shifts start?! Seriously, a girl called in 20 minutes AFTER her shift started, saying, "Oh I completely forgot I worked today! I'm so confused what's going on??" -__- ;;; she said she was all the way in the East Bay and could show up for work possibly in an hour and a half. My shift supervisor, was PISSED, clearly because she would not be there in time to relieve him. To go to lunch!! AND SHE DIDN'T CARE. "Well, why do I have to come all the way there just so you can go to lunch?" First of all, he's working an 8 hour shift, he deserves a friggin' break? Plus he's my homeboy?! And any friend of mine gettin' snubbed like that is going to hear about it from me. Anywho, story ends with my sup finding someone else to work for her, and he told her to not bother coming in at all. I secretly want her to be let go so I can get some more hours XD. Eviilll. So my endless and boring search for a significant other drones on. >_<. I seriously have no life except work and my studies. I went to visit my friend in Aptos last Tuesday. We invited some people over to help us make a gourmet dinner of Chipotle Barbecued chicken, potatoes au gratin and...churros. My friend's churros turned out great, except the recipe only made us 7 whole churros instead of the 30 that it promised. FAIL. My one churro was tasty though XD goddammit. So that was the most exciting part of the week, especially when my friend's Dad came down to talk to us about days of old and the 'cheese mafia' of San Jose, CA. Those darn Italian gangstas. See I do things! XD. I can't wait until February/March though, upcoming raves promise much fun. That'll be interesting! Although I really need to concentrate on studying and getting to Japan as soon as possible >_<. Trips to Japantown's Nijiya Market and such can only sustain my hunger for a country for so long. Not to mention my hunger for the country's men, mmhmm. XD (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
2:03 pm	I Want to Break Free. Queen is so goddamn mother-fuckin' awesome. I've only had time to go online in the mornings now because it's been so crazy with family. First, my immediate family, getting some kind of presents for everybody, cleaning the house, whatever. And then my second circle of family are all in from Seattle and I have only seen them once since they've been here! :(. And I'm bummed because I have to work all weekend, I'm closing on Friday, but I think Saturday and Sunday are mid-day shifts so let's just hope that's the case and I can get off early >:(. Damn holidays. Overall thought this Christmas has taken a turn for the better which I am excited about. :D! I got a whole loaf of gingerbread from Starbucks for free and it feels like I got Christmas dinner XD it's awesome. I really should be making ginger cookies but I'm tired and I've had like, NO alone time, which I have from now until like 3. -_- I'm a person who needs their space and in the last year I all of a sudden have no space, it's filled with people and work and some school. Crazy!! I can only wonder what the hell next year is going to be like after this. I fervently hope for a quiet, uneventful year. XD. Let's just have everything be mellow, please?! Yeah right. I go to Japan next year so we'll see how long that lasts. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2008
12:08 am	Late-night ramblings Uugghhh how did it get this late?! This totally sucks. 10 p.m. How can one be so tired yet not be able to fall asleep? Guh. Well, usually 10 p.m. is not late, but on a work night it is. Grrrgrrgrgrg. Yes I growl. Can I just say Kyo running around screaming "FUCK YOU!" is the funniest goddamn thing ever? Is it unhealthy how obsessed with dir en grey I am? I mean, it's not like I'm getting shit-faced, alkie-druggie like all the time you know? Being this obsessed with a band is healthier than that right? Or am I just in denial and desperately trying to justify this? *Le sigh* I don't know. I really do think I have a problem. It's either this, or focusing on work all the time. I haven't been doing school work for like, a month. I got my first root canal the other day. Oh, joy. I'm 21 and I have quite some fucked up dental hygiene going on. Good thing I went and got myself Starbucks insurance. This has been one hell of a month. Car trouble, family drama, too much dir en grey obsessing, failing schoolwork, boyfriend go buh-bye. Christmas? Fuck you! Seriously! What the hell am I gonna write in my Christmas cards? "Hi, Merry Christmas, I'm flat-ass broke. Enjoy the pretty picture." O_o?! Seriously. There's got to be something better than this. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 18th, 2008
8:00 pm	Work, work in Japan, livejournal sadness It's always a funny/awkward conversation when my mom asks me questions about "Japanese culture" and Dir en grey. The most popular one so far: "WHY do those guys wear make-up? And dress like girls?!". These questions, coming from my mom, who married a man(my father) that wore make-up himself a la Mick Jagger style in his own rock band back in the day, is asking ME why dir en grey sported some glammy tranvestite-esque faces. Well, initially I thought they were just doing it because it felt right to them or something. But now I realize it could have been a number of things, I was never certain as to what inspired them to wear make-up and dress up like girls, it's all apart of "visual kei" right? What is the history on that? I don't know. I notice Kuroyume didn't really do it? Not from his stuff I've seen. So, what the hell? My only theory is that it is an art form inspired by the old Kabuki theatre, where men totally played women in numerous acting roles? To me that makes the most sense, otherwise it's just to prove a point that Japanese men can be insanely androgynous. And the women XD lol. That would be an awesome documentary XD someone get on it. So anyway, this all started because my mom is always trying to tease me about my fascination in such "strange subjects". I have always loved everything about Japan as a country. I'm not talking about their past warfare, I don't like any country that wages war. I try to leave out that whole subject when talking about any of my favorite countries, because I hate all war, period. So I love Japan because I love the beauty in it, and their immense respect for aesthetics, public protocol. I have not yet met any openly rude Japanese citizen, therefore they are high on my list for people I like. I have been taking an online course to be certified as an ESL teacher, to be a tutor of English as a second language. Always a good way to travel XD. Not to mention I also work at Starbucks, therefore can pretty much transfer to any store in the world. My plan is to go to Japan, to work and live there. So, naturally, my mom tries to pry and ask what the hell is so damn interesting about the place to me. Yes of course I realize it is because she is nerve-wracked about me leaving the country to live days away across the ocean for what may be years, but it still amuses me :3. Speaking of mom, she is insisting on blaring USHER throughout my house -_-;; I need to go lock her in a play pen now >_>. I'll ramble on more later... OH and about the livejournal sadness, I'm desperatly trying to change my layout because it is hopelessly boring and unattractive. Any ideas on where to go anyone? What's better, CSS or html? Any help would be grand :D. Hopefully you're as big a fan of direngrey as I am and I'll reward your services with an album full of pics my friend took of them at one of their shows? XD I can hope.  (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 14th, 2008
10:21 pm	Merry fucking christmas. I'm officially over putting up christmas lights dammmmit, my fingers are bleeding from all those stupid push pins. I'm trying shrooms tonight I'm scurred XD I'm gonna watch that new dir en grey dvd. Maybe Kyo will appear in my living room who knows XDD I can only hope. Yeah. I'm finally back to work tomorrow, I kind of liked having three days off in a row T_T. Maybe a little too much. (Comment on this)
3:39 pm	Killer Queen I almost forgot how amazing the band 'Queen' is, but I remembered this morning so all is well :D. And then that got me thinking about how people label each other. "Gay" , "Lesbian", "Slut", "Punk Bitch" all of that garbage. I never really thought about it much before this, because I am a judgement-free human being. Yeah, no, really, there are people out there that exist who do not judge other people. Hard to find, yes, but they're out there. It really is awful that, people who are afraid of the unknown have to classify everything in order to understand what it is.  People, no one really knows the meaning of life or how we got here, so let's stop trying to understand everything. As long as no one's killing one another, let's just let people be to do their own thing, the things that make them feel good. Of course at the bottom of this is the hate for people who are "gay". So a man's with another man, so what? They're not hurting anyone! For Christ's sake let them be happy. Let us be happy. You know how orgasmic you get over, say, a hot fudge sundae from Ghiradelli Square? Right? Well that's how they feel over one another. How would you feel if someone started hating on you for loving that sundae? "What a sundae-loving asshole you are! You're evil and going to hell for loving that sundae! IT'S WRONG!". What? why would someone think that, SAY that to you? How can something that feels so right, be so wrong? Because it's not wrong, you're just a human with needs like everyone else. Everyone just has different needs, and for some reason that's still beyond me, other people will think that your needs are strange or wrong. Just because they are different! All I can think of it being is because, people are afraid of things they don't understand. Fear. It's ugly. THAT is what should be considered ugly. Radiating courage is what is beautiful. The band 'Queen' is beautiful, Freddie Mercury was beautiful. And you know who else is beautiful? Kyo. <3 And of course anyone else who displays such courage and confidence. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 7th, 2008
7:21 pm	The Rose Trims Again and Withers and withers. Eeegh! What's with this crazy new layout? I've never been into this shit. All of a sudden I feel like journaling again I dunno lol XD. I'm just too busy :P. Guh, I can't believe I even tried writing a fanfic ever, what the hell XD I was just that bored. Thank God that passed. Let's see, what a crazy three months this has been jeesh! Easily this year has been my busiest, I have never felt so stressed out and sleep-deprived in my life. First with my new full-time gig at Starbucks, classes to learn Japanese and then teach English to the Japanese O_o what the hell was I thinking?! Me, a teacher. Really. And then my sudden urge to get musical again, and be artistic. Whoa. This year has been insane. Another pirate movie filmed, yes I cameo in my best buddy's latest effort....what the fuck is the name of the movie again?! LMFAO I don't even remember what the hell. Madness. An election came to pass, victory for the hopeful citizens of America as Obama takes the seat of power. THANK GOD, sanity has been restored. Fuck Bush and Cheney up their asses, with no lube on a flaming chariot to HELL for what they did to this country. That entire administration deserves to be lined up in a row and shot. I have hope that Obama can help fix the damage that has been done. On a lighter note, November was full of more exciting events. The TWILIGHT movie finally came out(LoL)! Yes, I have been a fan for like, four whole months. And yes I read all four books in that time. I thought the film was an awesome tribute to the novel, no it wasn't perfect and they obviously changed a lot around for the sake of time but above all that: Robert Pattinson is a sex machine. OH YEAH babaay. Who cares about the fact that there's a movie going on, it's all about him! Bravooo. Vampires are teh sex again XD. I went to see it up in San Francisco the first night it came out, very fun, excellent audience. To sum up the evening: I went with my mates Kat and Rhonda, we hit up a bar aptly named "Lush" and had some brews, waited in line for an hour and made the news, free-style rapped until the audience wanted to smother us with pillows and fully enjoyed the movie finally XDDD. WOOT.  Just another night out ya know XD! UGH GOD I did not have enough time to catch up on sleep when the NEXT weekend came. Oh yes. 11/30/08 was a date I had been waiting to arrive since August. Actually, I had been waiting for this day my whole life but I just didn't know it until this past August XD. Let me back track a little, June '07 I went to see Deftones live in Santa Cruz on a whim, but I actually just wanted to check out this band from Japan called 'DIR EN GREY'. I had no idea who these guys were, only that they were supposedly crazy rock legends from the Land of the Rising Sun. They opened for Deftones, and needless to say it was love at first sight for me and rhythm guitarist, Die. Oh, and the rest of the band was pretty cool too. SO BACK TO THE PRESENT. The 30th of November was when Dir en Grey were to perform live in San Francisco(first scheduled for the Warfield but then changed to the Grand Ballroom). I had bought my tickets on the spot back a few months ago, so when the day finally came I was more than ready to rock. Here's the re-cap: I rocked out to "Uroboros" on the drive up to the city, to pick up my partner-in-crime Kat from the airport. My thoughts on their latest album, are simply that this band can do no wrong in my eyes. Whatever style they try next, I'm always interested. I like this metal-infused rock their going for as of late, because Kaoru and Die can shred like mother fucking madmen. I'll bet money that they both just popped out of their mother's wombs jamming on Gibsons. Yes, just picture THAT lmao. Anywho, my friend and I jam on out of the crazy airport to go get ready for our evening out. I go with sporting some VK inspired wear. Yes, I even had the crazy hair, fuck yeah! I know, I know. They have left forever the days of dressing up as glamourized tranvestites, but were those the days or what?! Anyway, as we were primping I was getting the jitters of all things. The last time I saw Die in the flesh, he had me frozen to the floor with that gaze of his. What would it be like this time? I decided we needed reinforcements: RUM AND COKE! Getting hyphy/crunk before any party we'll get you ready for action XD. Spoken like a true pirate. So we get to the venue and then I realize why I was worried, THE LINE WAS AROUND THE BLOCK. We had completely under-estimated the enormity of this show, I mean the doors would not even be open for another hour! Christ almighty. So Kat and I get hammered while waiting in the huge line. At least I got a good look at the tour bus, praying they would come out at some point XD. The only thing that prevented me from headlong sprinting to their pimped out ride, was the knowledge that they would be signing CDs after the show, which I still didn't believe they would be doing at this point, but I had hope. I still decided to shout out things like, "Where's my lovely midgety-bobbit? My sexy fairy boy?!" and what was really hilarious about me saying that, was all these people around us in line knew who I was talking about XDDD. Kat and I decided to strike up a conversation with these cool azn grrrls behind us, who were probably very afraid of the infamous, crazy-drunk-white chicks XD. You should be afraid. Anyway they were super cool and we talked about awesome things like Miyavi and Glay and how the song 'Garden' was a damn good song. I won't say the best because they're also songs like 'embryo' and 'OBSCURE' to think about. An hour and a half passes, I'm completely sobered up and we're finally inside. Kat goes straight to the bathroom, I hold it for the love of Dir en grey as I go to wait in yet another line to buy their cd, in hopes of getting it signed after the show XDDD guh. I have homies in different area codes, telling me so far on the tour that Toshiya and Shinya have been doing signings, but that Die and Kaoru have done them too. Not that I would care which one of them it was, because it would be an honor to meet any of them, but I was hoping tp get to be in breathing distance of Die's face. I also selfishly thought for a moment it would be awesome to be the one stop of the tour where Kyo got his ass out there, because I still don't believe he is actually real, lmfaooo. But Kyo is crazy, so Die would be the best XDD. The first act comes on, The Human Abstract, and I've got to say these guys totally knew how to rock. They were AWESOME. Unfortunately for them, I didn't come all the way out here to see some white guys scream their guts out, I came to see some Japanese rockers. And I know I wasn't the only one who felt this way. So I give Human Abstract mad props for being a talented group of cool guys, but we couldn't hardly wait for Dir en Grey to come out and blow us away. So the agonizing minutes dragged along, and finally the roadies(who were all sporting haircuts of their favorite Diru bandmembers XDD so cute) came out to set up for my heroes, and before I know it they come out and hit me with "OBSCURE". Score! Some dumbass couple of guys(yes, couple as in TOGETHER, it is San Francisco relax XD if I was a gay man I'd be in love with Dir en grey too!) in front of us start attempting to mosh(I was a few people away from the stage, on the same side Die was rockin' on XD)someone ran into me and for a minute my CD dropped into the black abyss! I threw my arms out and punched the living shit out of everyone in my way until, by the Grace o' God I did find my cd on the ground. the case was cracked, but still in working order ladies and gents. I do seem to have the luck of the Irish. Thankfully nothing else exciting like that happened, but the show going on up on the stage was slammin'! Kyo's "solo's of madness" I like to call them, were spellbinding. Whether you were laughing at the ludicrousness of his vulgar display of insane vocals or, like me, were standing in awe of one human being's capability through vocals to replicate what the God of Thunder and all things primal sound like; you have to admit Kyo has got some damn amazing skillz. XD. I felt like I was at Church or something haha. Anyway, you all know what an amazing show these guys put on. They played "Kodou" as one of the encore songs! I was gobsmacked okay. Anyway, they wrap it up, and I'm already strategizing as to how I'm gonna get in line to get my cd signed XD the dork that I am. They changed the place of the line THREE TIMES, so I went from being first in line, to like the 20th person in line. Fuckers. I got to meet Nora though! She's such a swell lady, really. I adore her and her super brain. It was an honor just to meet her frankly, lol. This girl behind me was so super cool. She had learned Japanese, wrote a letter to the band in Japanese and had a necklace of half a human heart on it for Kyo. The other half was hers of course <3 so super cute! Shut up it was. So finally I'm like, five people away from -GASP!- DIE AND KAORU. My two heroes. What the hell could I possibly say. I looked over to where Kat was standing(she didn't buy a cd so she couldn't meet them, sadness) and was like, "HOLY CRAP KAT IT'S DIE WHATDOIDOWHATDOIDO." And she was like, "Just be cool dude! Make me proud!" Oh shit. Not gonna happen XD. One of the girls in front of me full-on PASSED OUT just looking at Die when she met him! HOLY SHIT I HAD NO CHANCE! XDDD. I actually hesitated at first before I walked up to him, and of all people Nora shows up next to me, and smiled, "Hey, go on ahead it's your turn." And I actually said, "...I can't BREATHE." But I went on ahead anyway. No words can describe how it was just walking up to him, there was this aura in the air. I walk up and all I could say was, "Hello!" in my super annoying girly voice >__<. And then he, omg, SMILED (XD I am such a loser, I know, I don't care :P) his smile was like the sun shining straight into your eyes, it BURRRNED. He took the jacket of my cd and signed it and, I'm not sure was possessed me, but my hand just jumped up and grabbed a hold of his. And I got brave and looked him straight in the eye(I know, I'm HARDCORE XDD). And you know that stupid, cheesy, sappy thing people say when they meet their soul mate? Your heart stops and you feel like you were struck by lightening or something? Yeah. That totally happened. And we just stared at eachother for what felt like a whole minute and then, with that eyeball burning smile he said, "you okay, pretty?" (XDD HARDCORE ENGRISH!) and I was like, ".........thank you." and I walked OFF. WTF. I could have stayed there and said anything, but that was all I could do, I was in a daze of epic proportions. I almost walked right by Kaoru almost blowing him off entirely, but he looked a little hurt so I felt bad and walked back so he could sign my cd XDDD (my friend Kat was like, "I was watching from the door and you should've seen Kaoru's face!! He was like 'wtf where are you going bitch?!' XDD.) and man, I'm glad I was numb from Die because Kaoru in person is goddamn intimidating. It's like talking to Japanese Darth Vadar! He signed my cd, and I said "Arigatougouzaimasssu." Like the idiot I am XD but he was polite enough to respond with, "itashimashite." XDD Does this mean I'm Japanese now?! XDDDD. So that's it for my crazy adventures, damn. My life is complete now though! XD Dir en Grey is made of win. The pics Kat took were fucking amazing! (Yea, I snuck her camera in for her XDD awesome.) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 21st, 2008
12:56 pm	Bottom of the Death Valley, Chp. 3 (I am so torn on this chapter ;___; ) Chapter 3             Kyo was tapping his fingers on a table, adjacent to his kitchen, humming a tune. He looked down at the scattered paper, like shingles, all across the surface, words of disturbing images filling the pages. Images of intense suffering, the evil of human beings, corruption of a society. All this filled Kyo’s head, and yet here they were manifesting into reality, where he could look at them from the other side. Inner turmoil he could do so well, and here it was. But how could this be, when he had everything he wanted now? A successful band, a sexy boyfriend, friends, prosperity. Yet here it came, every unpleasant, taboo topic he could think of. It just kept coming. And the low, despair filled tones in his voice came oozing out from his lips, like blood. Like tears. As if he was truly in pain, like he knew what it was to sing the blues. Suddenly he stopped, looking down at what he wrote. He decided to sing what he had so far, “…give me, laugh…dare mo ga….omou.” He smirked. “Give me pain….” **********************         Tangled in a web of sheets was a man with red hair and his blonde angel. I, was sleeping next to my love, in a deep sleep. It has been two weeks now, we had been blessed with some free nights, so I would be at Shinya’s or he would be at mine and so on. And we would feed on each other with great fervor. Yet, during the day, I couldn’t help but notice Shinya would get very quiet, and become lost in his own thought, whenever I wasn’t nibbling on him here or there. Left to his own devices, he would become so silent. “Where do you go when you’re alone?” I would often ask him. While he was cooking some kind of food for me, he’d be standing over a steaming pot of something then stop, sighing, “Oh, nowhere in particular. I just like my solitude. I’ll think about anything.” Still staring at the pot, he’d talk to me. Never looking over. “Oh I see. Well thank God for me or you’d probably stay away in your shell all day.” I grinned over at him from the table. My ashtray was still there, sitting in the center of it. One and a half months I never picked up a cigarette. Shinya gave a laugh, with what seemed like a lot of effort on his part, “Yeah, I know.” and would just continue on, staring at the fucking pot on the stove. It was slowly driving me crazy, no matter what I did it seemed I couldn’t get his attention like I used too. “Hey, what the hell is so goddamn fascinating about boiling pasta ne? Seriously what is it.” I got up, feeling my temper simmer, and walked over to stand behind him, my chin almost touching his shoulder. Still, he would not look back at me. “Eh? If only I could boil water on my stomach I could have had you months ago…” I started to snake my arms around his waist but he immediately seized up. “Die, don’t touch me right now I’m trying to make dinner.” “Are you serious? How hungry are you, I thought you didn’t eat?!” “Die, I’m just trying to make us a nice dinner here-” “Really? Do you mean for you? So far you’re the only person here who has such great interest in having dinner a six o’-fucking-clock in the afternoon-” “Evening, Die-” “I still see the sun it isn’t anywhere near night yet-” “Die I know you’re very hungry right now, look at the mood you’re in!” “This has nothing to do with my mood and you know it.” We stood there, staring each other down. Shinya kept an empty look on his face as I looked back in it with fury. Then he started to turn back to the stove. “Shinya if you fucking turn back to look at that stove-” “OR WHAT, Die? What will you do? Why are you assaulting me like this?!” “You know I will turn you right back around and MAKE you look at me! Why, what has changed in the last few days for you to not look me in the eyes anymore? You can’t even hold a conversation with me without staring at the closest inanimate object, pretending it’s me? Even when we make love you’ll just close your eyes. What the hell is going on and don’t you answer to that fucking pot on the stove answer to ME!” The pot was boiling over water now, bubbling over the lid and onto the burner. Shinya turned halfway back, turning it off quickly then turned back in my general direction. He crossed his arms and leaned against the stove, inching away from the scorching hot burner. “Die, I don’t know. I’m so confused, I…I thought we were doing just fine-” “Just fine? That’s it? I have been on my hands and knees for you, asking nothing in return because I love you so much I could just die, I’ve been in seventh heaven his past month with you. And it’s been only ‘just fine’ on your end?!” “Am I going t-to get to t-talk at all Die or are you just going to shout at me like that?!” Shinya was getting upset now, I could even see his eyes start to glisten a bit. I was frustrated and mad as hell at the moment though, so blind with rage I could almost not see him… “Oh yes, please continue, as I would love to hear how are phenomenal sex was ‘just okay’ for you.” “Die I just, I don’t, you know how fast this all has been for me. I went from being single for three months, to being a raging homosexual for you in almost no time at all. You’re intense attraction for me, I have to admit was very flattering and so I finally gave in. You’ve been such a good friend of mine, and you are known widely for being one of the sexiest men alive so I said to myself ‘why not’?”. I stared at him in disbelief. I thought I may possibly be sensing a shallowness in him, but I didn’t want to believe it. Yet I wanted to know. “So, what are you saying this was all my idea? Essentially? And you felt sorry for me so you think you did something nice and catered to me like this?” “N-no! What? No that’s not what I’m saying I just-” “Don’t. Don’t play games with me like this I’m not stupid. So don’t say another word, don’t paint a picture for me. I see right through all this bullshit anyway so just be honest now and accept what is real. Do you have any real feelings for me at all or was this just some kind of experiment for you?” Shinya balled his hands into fists and stared at the ground for a moment. I was staring at him now, ready to break, depending on the words that came from his mouth next. His hair fell lightly in his face as he continued looking down. He knew he had lost the fight with me, he knew I was calling him out. I didn’t want to believe that the last few weeks of bliss were just a pretty picture, a painting, an illusion. He was going farther away from me into his solitude and I was dying, all I wanted at that moment was to stop him with a kiss, and then leave. And not hear another word. I don’t think I could handle the heartbreak. ************************** “An end begins a trivial matter. It's a time to burn everything. If I could forget you without hesitation…” “KYO! It’s like six in the morning dammit. Can’t you get inspired at a later time?” Kaoru was in a terry cloth bathrobe, projecting from the hallway. He had awoken to Kyo’s voice, singing out in the wee small hours of the morning. “Kaoru, you should know better than anyone you can’t control the genius that channels through me from some other-worldly God. Don’t be jealous.” shuffling of the papers occurred at the dining room table, Kyo tried to organize them numerically. Kaoru came shuffling into the room with loafers on, robe opened only so much to see his downtown bonanza. Kyo looked over his shoulder at him to take in the scene. “You do look absolutely sexy even in that dumbass hotel robe and tacky slippers. How do you do it.” “I have a big penis. I mean, look at it.” “I most definitely am but I don’t think that’s entirely it. Something about your nose…” “My nose? That is so random.” He bent over to kiss Kyo gently, a hand massaging his scalp and ruffling his hair. Kyo reached up to push him closer and deepen the kiss. Kaoru pulled away quickly, then placed kisses all over the vocalist’s face. “Come to bed, you’ve inspired me.” Kaoru smirked. “I can see that. That is some inspiration you got there.” “Don’t tease me like that, come and let’s create.” “That sounds lovely indeed. We most definitely need more smut in this.” “I couldn’t agree with you more, there is never enough smut in our music.” Kaoru pulled Kyo up from the table to fully embrace him and kiss even deeper. Kyo let his hand slip down and under Kaoru’s robe to grab his inspired cock to stroke it gently. Kaoru took either side of his robe in his hands, opened it entirely to wrap Kyo up in it with him. They devoured each other and their faces then, when the guitarist very reluctantly came up for air, “The bedroom, now.” “Uhuh.” “No really.” He led Kyo off in the general direction, wanting to desperately rip the shirt off him on the way. After what seemed like forever they both landed on the bed, going at each other in earnest. Kaoru took his mouth to Kyo’s briefs, bit down to slowly take them off. Kyo’s member jumped out, getting hard just at the thought of Kaoru’s mouth near his dick. “Christ Kaoru I just got a brilliant idea, suck me off. Genius right?” “As long as you put good sound to it.” He generously took the shorter man’s cock into his mouth and slowly went down, then up in sensuous strokes. Kyo let out a loud, slow moan, bucking his hips lightly. The elder of the two took both his hands and held Kyo’s hips firmly, going at his own pace, wanting to prolong the orgasmic moans coming from his lover’s lips. The moans became more desperate, as if he was about to release but Kaoru pulled away as his own rock hard cock needed attention. “You know, I just got my own brilliant idea, your mouth on mine, mine on yours?” “Yeah, I like the sound of that harmony.” “God, THAT was a bad pun.” “They’ve all been bad you idiot.” “Can’t disagree. Now suck me off.” Kaoru rolled onto his back and let Kyo mount his face. Kyo slowly lowered his cock into Kaoru’s mouth, while Kyo went down to meet the guitarist‘s member. Both were sucking in earnest, gaining momentum. And though their mouths were full, gutteral moans filled the silence. Feeling each other in their mouths, they gained pace, sensations were escalating. The warmth and softness of tissue brushing against each of their manhoods, made Kyo come first. Kaoru swallowed, and then himself came into Kyo’s mouth, pushing his hips further in. Each ate the other completely, then Kyo rolled off to his side. Heavy breathing was all that could be heard, Kaoru reached to find Kyo’s hand to hold onto it. “I love you, Kyo.” “I love you to, Kaoru.” ****************** “Solitude laughs as it likes. You laugh as you look down. The time is over, the time will stop, at the end of The time, sleeping with a kiss to unheated death.” Three days, ten packs of cigarettes later, I had composed some of the most depressing music I may have ever created. I felt like the walking dead, or rather I wasn’t dead yet, I was in some kind of torturous limbo. I walked the earth yet I couldn’t eat or sleep. I wanted so much to die but couldn’t. Did anyone else ever feel this way? Of course, I just could never imagine it happening to me, because I’ve never experienced it before. I had no heart, it was ripped from my chest, and all that was left was a gaping hole. Three silhouettes were quickly coming into my line of vision. "Christ Die, You look like SHIT what happened man? You partied?" Kaoru was in my face now, so concerned, so scared of the unknown. Kyo and Toshiya stayed back, afraid of the sight. I looked up finally. "Oh shit, SHIT!!! No, what happened? Please don’t tell me you guys broke up holy SHIT this is fucked up Kyo!", "Whoa, Kao-kun calm down. Die, seriously what happened? Why are you like this?" He bent down to look in my face, trying to read my features or something. I was quiet for a moment before I finally spoke, “Shinya and I broke up. He met a girl, and decided he wasn’t gay for me anymore. But I want us to act normal, I’ve composed some music, let’s just record like we always have. Please.” I looked up with a pleading notion, Kaoru covered his mouth in his hand, looking down at me in disbelief. Kyo heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes, “I’m really sorry Die, but you can’t say you didn’t see this coming. I was genuinely surprised that Shinya even gave into you in the first place, being a-sexual for all that time-” “That fucking little bitch is gonna get it from me, make no mistake. To lead you on like that I swear-” “KAORU, shut up. Don’t you forget that you to were hesitant before getting into a relationship with me.” “YEAH, but I didn’t lie to you, right? I mean I told you first I needed to think it over-” “And you did, with like, SEVERAL women.” “BUT I never fucked you and then left you for one!” “Well, we all do stupid things sometimes. Just don’t be harsh with him okay let’s respect Die’s wishes. He’s coming now act normal.” All four of them tried to straighten up then, as Shinya was approaching them fast, walking very stiff with his head down. I stood up slowly then, trying not to look at him as much as possible. I had gratitude then that he was our drummer, therefore I wouldn’t have to look at him as he was always in back. He approached us then, Kaoru looking furious and Kyo giving him that ‘shut-the-fuck-up-now’ look. Shinya kept his head down, and Toshiya was the first to break the silence, “so Die was just telling us he’s composed new music, and Kyo has new lyrics so let’s go and put them together eh?” he smiled, obviously trying to cover up the thick tension among them. Finally Kaoru spoke, “yes, we need to get to work right away, this is our last song and then we’ll complete the album. Let’s hurry the fuck up already.” and he turned quickly on his heels toward the studio, everyone fell in line. I stayed in the far back as much as possible, staring a hole through Shinya. As we got in there, I headed straight for my guitar. Always was a source of comfort for me. Even though I was clearly dying from the inside, out that guitar would be the bed I would rest on. “Hey Die, get in there and start playing for us so Kyo can find his tune alright?” “Yeah, I start on low D.” I spoke with emptiness, desperate not to let my feelings show. I would let my sorrow out in song now, like letting the bad blood run. The minute I got in the sound-proof room, I strummed the strings with such angst and malice, hoping I didn’t start to hard. I continued on, after four bars I pushed the distortion pedal for an even stronger effect. It rang out like razors, I wanted to cut anyone who heard it. All I saw was pain, and no relief in sight. I moved with the guitar now, moving with the music. It was harsh, honest. I didn’t even care what the others thought about it at the moment, I just let it go. “..I cannot reach your love, you cannot reach my love Even now, see... I cannot reach your voice, you cannot reach my voice Even now, but…The time will end, The time will change, Me, you and now, Like with the flow of time. The time will stop, Until the end, Let's say good night with a kiss to a love with no fire.” ******************* TBC! Waahhh I know it got sad ;_;. I think what inspired me to go this route, was the most recent Dir en grey performance at the Hide Memorial Summit concert. For some reason, Die looked especially somber and sad to me at this performance. And Shinya looked more distant then ever(?). A friend of mine from Tokyo also told me that Shinya does have a girlfriend of, like eight years? O_o I had no idea. LoL. I'm not saying it's true or anything, indeed I do not know if it is, but that's what I heard and it inspired me to write this. 24ko cylinders is one of my favorite songs, yes yes ^_^. AND 69 IS SO FINE! XDDD Mmmmhmmm KyoxKaoru sex. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 4th, 2008
11:23 pm	Bottom of the Death Valley, Ch. 2 of ? (w00t next chapter! And there's more of a plot yaaay! XD) Chapter 2 Steam was everywhere, just like after a shower. The rain had stopped in the meantime, and hot clouds of moisture were collecting on the windows of the car. Raindrops lay caught out on the windows, on the hood, the door handles. Like the car itself was sweating, from the extreme heat being produced from within it. I felt like an animal, a raw and starving creature. I didn’t care at that point of what behavior was usually acceptable to modern society, I didn’t care what the hell passerby was looking in then. I was grateful though that Shinya had tinted windows, making it a little more comfortable for us in this situation. As wild as I maybe, exhibitionism was never my cup of tea, too much shrinkage occured. So I was very taken aback, almost, that Shinya was expecting me now to take in the backseat of his car. I had to think fast, as space was limited and I couldn’t really see what I was doing. “Ungh, Shinya, let me get in the back first. Then come and sit on my lap like it’s Christmas.” “What? Uh, yeah sure I’ll just follow you, then.” I did my best to break away from the heated kiss for a moment to climb into the back seat of Shinya’s very small car. It was almost painful to be separate for ten whole seconds, time couldn’t go any slower for me at that point. My cock was pressing against my pant’s zipper ready to attack the moment it was free. I sat there, in the middle seat, now staring straight at Shinya. He stared back at me, both his hands resting on the driver and passenger seat heads. He was now sweating on his forehead and on what I could see of his chest, his shirt slightly unbuttoned. He still held a look of hesitation and fear, looking expectantly at me as to what to do next. I needed to get him relaxed, so an idea came to mind, just then. As I said I wanted to get him as aroused as I was… “Shinya, relax, I’m going to get naked for you now. So you can take it all in. Then tell me your thoughts, and if you’re not comfortable with this, just let me know. Okay?” I took in some deep breaths as my patience was running out and my cock harder by the second. I could’ve sworn his eyes widened in the thought and got back to me with fervor. “Yes, I-I want to see, you.” He gulped, then continued to stare at me and my bulge openly. I smirked, pleased with the response and slowly unbuttoned my shirt, not taking my eyes away from him. I slipped my shirt over my nipples and chest in the most sensuous way possible, in the limited space I had. After completely removing the shirt, I started on my belt. I heard Shinya take a sharp intake breath, which made me wish I had done without pants that day in the first place. I slid the belt off, then started unzipping. I gently massaged the mound in my pants, hoping for some relief, but Shinya’s quiet whimpers were only making me hornier. I pushed my shoulders against the backseat rest as I pushed my hips up to get my pants off and over my perfect ass. Briefs and all. And there I was, completely exposed to him. I looked up at him again and saw his eyes fixated entirely on my huge penis. I couldn’t tell, he seemed just intrigued by it, not frightened. I ran my hand over my abdomen and beckoned for him to climb over. “Shinya, are comfortable with me inside you?” My legs sat apart slightly, I tried to catch his gaze but he still couldn’t look away. He provocatively ran his fingers over his moist lips, then finally said, “I want to suck it first, so, I can lubricate it maybe.” licking his mouth then, I was aroused and highly amused at the same time. But I couldn’t laugh now, that would be risking losing a fine blow job. “Well sure if you want to. I had every intention of preparing your asshole for this myself, but if you want the practice...” I watched him as he struggled to get off his own shirt, then he climbed down over me, taking my length in his hand. I was breathing deeply then, he looked up slightly alarmed, “A-are you okay? Did I squeeze to hard or something?” He was not making it very easy for me to not laugh him off the planet just now. “No, as sensitive as this organ is, the pain is all pleasure. Just think of it as licking a popsicle, I know you like ice cream so much.” My smile broke through then, but he just smirked himself, “You’re right, I like them a whole lot.” And without warning he took me in his mouth. Licking and sucking as if I was a God damn push pop. Thank God for ice cream on a stick. A husky moan pushed it’s way out of my mouth, my head went back feeling the waves of the euphoric sensation washing over me. Shinya ran his hands over my thighs and eagerly licked and tasted every part of my dick genuinely. Pretty damn good for beginner, I thought. I let this go on for awhile, intertwining my hands in his hair again. So soft and fragrant, his golden head moving up and down slowly between my legs. I felt my hips trying to buck up and fuck him senselessly in his mouth but I knew better and wanted a chance to fuck him. Finally he came up and looked at me, “Die, uhm, I want it in me now.” I could have exploded right then all over his beautiful face, but of course thought better of it. I simply nodded and then let my body do the rest. I lifted him up, turned him around and placed him on lap, both of us facing the driver's seat. My arm slipped around his slim body and I undid his pants with my free hand. I pushed again my hips up and let him rest on top of me as I slid his pants over his own perfect ass and let them drop into some abyss. He was naked for me now, sitting atop my arousal. I looked over his shoulders at his, just when I thought I couldn’t get any harder. I reached around and caressed his member gently, letting him moan softly in my ear. I took my other hand to his mouth and let him suck on two of my fingers. I reached down then with both hands and separated his legs, pressing gently on the rim of his anus, gently opening and separating it. I made love to him with my fingers for awhile, exploring his insides, massaging his firm buttocks all the while, hearing the positively orgasmic sounds he was making. I felt drunk then, off of our fluids. I then had another idea, “Shinya, lift your feet and push them against the heads of the front seats.” I hissed hungrily in his ear. Shinya obeyed immediately, somehow getting what I had in mind. I slid my hand down to find my cock again, and I gently pressed it against his opening, then started pushing in. Shinya labored his breath, groaning like an animal. He pressed against the chairs as I slid out of him, and then relaxed as I pushed back in. It was like the hottest pilates I’ve ever done. Shinya dug his nails into my hips, as he let his head go back to look at the roof of the car and made the sexiest sounds I could ever imagine. I went as slowly as possible in and out of him, going as far in to hit his prostate and then sliding back out to merge with the sweat collecting at his entrance. I had to pick up the pace soon for fear of us both collapsing in exhaustion, every time I hit the back of him he’d shriek the sweetest moans and that’s when all of a sudden I saw white. He came all over his chest and stomach, I soon followed, leaving some of me in him. Then we just laid there, I removed myself from him gently. We sat staring at the ceiling of the vehicle, laboring breath, sweat and moist lingering in the enclosed space. We didn’t give a damn about anything else, the world out there, nothing. Just us, laying there, having just fucked in a car outside some club. A smile spread across my face then. “Shinya,” I whispered. But Shinya was still breathing harshly, out of words, then I felt his hand find mine and he held it, and brought it up to his chest. I suddenly forgot what stupid remark I had to say, as I felt his beating heart, thudding around in his ribcage. I put my mouth to the back of his neck, kissing softly, listening and feeling the rhythm of him. He had silenced me, he could do it so easily now. I couldn’t think of a word I could say to express love in this way. So, there we sat, just existing with each other. My angel on earth with me in the valley. ***************** “FUCK! UH! FUCK ME HARDER KAORU DAMMIT! YEAH PUSH HARDER! FUCKING FASTER! AIEUHHHH!” Kyo’s legs were propped up on Kaoru’s shoulders, Kaoru was burying himself into Kyo’s ass. The scene was explicit, fucking each other on a bed, shouting and moaning at the top of each other’s lungs so the neighbors could hear. Kaoru’s firm grip on Kyo’s ass, Kyo grabbing at the pillows behind his head for something to hold onto. The guitarist obliging to the vocalist’s every whim, until their screams escalated to the highest notes yet, and then they released. Kyo came all over Kaoru’s sweaty, gleaming chest and his own abdomen. Kaoru soon filled Kyo with his essence. Huffing and puffing continued on afterward, both lying on their backs, gazing up in a daze. Kaoru turned over first, hand in Kyo’s hair, kissing his face all over. “God I love fucking you in the ass, you should let me do it more often.” He ran a hand over Kyo’s chest, taking up his semen and then licking it off his fingers. Kyo lifted his head watching him, “That is, somewhat repulsive, but I love it. You‘re a freak, babe.” “I know you do,” Kaoru replied with a provocative grin on his face. “I could eat you whole I swear. I need to suck you off as soon as possible, are you ready yet?” “Christ Kaoru, I just came give me a minute ne? Maybe I’m hungry first?” “Alright, what the hell do you want to eat?” “I don’t fucking know. What do we have, ramen?” “Like I fucking know, it was your turn to go shopping man!” “You mean you didn’t?! Fuck you I was writing lyrics all weekend!” “NO, FUCK YOU!” “YOU JUST DID ASSHOLE!” Kaoru then pinned Kyo to the mattress, looking at him in a most aggressive manner. “Why is it like this, Kyo? Why are we so angry, all the time?” Kaoru said in a surprisingly pleading tone. Kyo was taken aback by the sudden mood swing. Yes, maybe he was volatile with Kaoru, but it was their explosive tempers that brought them together in the first place. He loved him for it, and never thought about wanting to leave him for a second. Kyo gazed back into Kaoru’s face with gentle but firm eyes, “I don’t know, but it’s who we are, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, we make beautiful music together ne?” he planted a soft kiss on the guitarist’s lips, and then Kaoru returned it in a more fierce manner. It took several seconds before Kaoru broke away, “So, are you aroused again yet or what?” he reached down to find Kyo’s cock, causing Kyo to let out a sharp breath. “No, Kaoru seriously I need a minute. Were you even being serious back there or what?“ Kyo pulled away and propped himself up on his elbows, looking sternly back at the older man. Kaoru ceased petting Kyo’s dick, looking genuine now, “yes, I am concerned. I want to know when we’re just teasing each other or when we’re actually upset. I know I started this whole thing to just break the ice, because I knew the “you’re-so-cute, I-really-like-you-a-lot” routine wouldn’t work on you.” He heaved a sigh, using a forefinger to trace Kyo’s navel as he spoke. “I just want to know I can trust you to tell me when you’re really displeased with me? I want to know it’s just because we’re both emotional people who can tell each other what we’re really feeling at the time you know? You seem to be really angry with me all the time now, I’m beginning to not be able to tell if you’re actually mad at me or not.” Kyo softened now, taking in what the other man was saying. “You know, I was really afraid of you when we first met. I mean, most of the guys were, but I was truly terrified. Your deep voice, and stern face, were very authoritative-looking. It was intimidating, especially to me. So every time you went to speak with me, that’s when I began taking on this hardcore attitude with you and oddly enough you were turned on by it or something. And before I knew it, we were together. So really I could be asking you the same thing, do you take me seriously or is this just a game we’re playing? I know I’m serious about you, I guarantee you I’ve never thought of leaving you, I’ve never been displeased with your performance.” “Well neither have I, for the record. And I can’t believe you were really that scared of me! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “Well of course I could never admit it to you earlier, I really would never admit it to anyone. But I thought just now I owed you an explanation of sorts…” “Well I’m glad I know now, anyway. And I’m sorry. And you know I act like an asshole in front of the guys, because I don’t want them thinking you get special treatment because you’re sleeping with me” he let his arm snake around Kyo’s waist, pulling him closer to his body, “I want you to know how much I want you, really, I love you. As long as you know the truth, I know you can take the rest. I have to be the leader you know? No one can know what a sentimental pussy I really am.” He laughed, and even Kyo had to break a smile. “You really are, I almost can’t believe that just now. You are so gay.” He giggled, and Kaoru went to tickle him, “hey! You’re just as gay as I am taking it up the ass just now!” And then they lost each other in ridiculous fits of laughter, sharing a side of themselves no one else would ever see. ******************* “This is, wait a minute, the intro shouldn’t have this much drum in it. It’s too short anyway, I’m not feeling the ambiance. It’s not fitting the dark theme at all, shit.” Toshiya was playing out over and over again the music to his new song, stressing over last minute details before they would start recording. Tapping on the table in time with the pads of his fingers, moving his left foot in beats of four, sitting in deep concentration. The others just waited in their roles now, Shinya was pacing the small room and tapping his drum sticks together, Die tuning his guitar, glancing over at Shinya every once in awhile. Kyo stretching, warming up his vocal chords and Kaoru, trying to counsel with Toshiya across the table. “Well, did you try a guitar bit? Some riff like, dududuhh nuh nuhhhnuh…slow and classical like?” “No, no it needs to be lower than that, way more dark…OH of course how about some more bass? There’s not enough bass anyway, I can bust out a solo in the intro to precede the rest of the music” Toshiya was intent on this. “Well, yeah let’s try it. Let’s go ahead and start, you get in there and play something.” nodding at Toshiya, he got up and they followed him into the studio. Kaoru sat himself at the monitor and control panel, the rest of the bunch huddled behind Kaoru, looking in at Toshiya. Through the sound proof window pane, Toshiya was seen putting on his headphones, rushing over to his bass to plug it in, setting up his sheet music. He started tuning, looking up at Kaoru to see if there was any feedback in the mic. The producer hovered around them, checking just to be sure they stayed on task and kept on schedule. Kaoru was in control, at the helm. “Testing, I don’t want any fuzz man. Can I get a low D? Hey Kaoru? What the hell are you doing?” Kaoru was playing around with sound effects, little red dots scattered in a row on the panel, rising and falling like ocean waves. “Yes? Toshiya you sound fine. How about this sound? We can put it under the bass, sort of a premonitory, underlying sound that can help get the point across eh? So play something already.” Kaoru nodded at Toshiya, who was starting to get a little nervous, fidgeting with his strap around his neck and shoulders. “Yeah, alright, I was thinking like, something like…dududuhh nunuhhnu nuhh…” he plucked at the heavy strings, fooling around at first, playing with the notes on his fingertips. It took him three tries, Kaoru trying to coach him, “Uh, yeah that’s too fast, try to gradually lower, stay away from the sharp notes, no now that’s too fast…” Toshiya didn’t look up at all, starting to get frustrated and unsatisfied. Kaoru stopped talking altogether, trying to figure out where the hell he was going with this. Toshiya mumbled to himself, tapping on the body of his guitar, crossing one leg over his other one and letting his foot shake like he had a tremor. Finally after several minutes he began playing slowly, a riff that at once had everyone’s attention. It flowed out like rain, the drops hitting the ground and cascading down a mountain ridge. That was it. Toshiya played through the rest of the song, Kaoru recording every second. After Toshiya was satisfied, he took off his headphones and let them hang on the protruding edge of his music stand, and wrote down his notes on the sheet music he brought in. The others were simply drooling over it like a bunch of fan girls, Kaoru staying calm, letting his chin rest on his folded hands, that were supported by his elbows, in turn resting on the panel. He heaved a sigh of relief. “Thanks that was great Toshiya, let’s get Shinya in there next.” He looked over and nodded at Shinya who understood. Kyo pulled up a chair and sat himself next to him, crossing his arms and propping a foot up on the panel, “that was pretty good eh? I’m really feeling kind of proud of all this. This could be, a monumental album ne?” he said thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling then at Kaoru. Kaoru took a deep breath pressing his palms together as if in prayer, pursing his lips. “I think it’s pretty good, yes. We still have a lot of work to do, but so far the songs we have are really showing good results. We could get this done in the month allotted. We better take extra care of your voice though, no more screaming at home.” Kaoru grinned to himself, Kyo just rolled his eyes. *************************** I sat there jamming on the acoustic, not allowing my hands any free time. If I couldn’t be touching Shinya then I had to be touching a guitar. We stayed in the studio for what felt like five hours that day, all the time I just continued playing. The music was pouring out of me, I was ridiculously happy, ecstatic about everything. I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there and talk to Shinya. We hadn’t spoken since he dropped me off back at my car, in the parking lot. Same old routine, I told him I would call him right when I got home, and so on. “Hey I mean it okay? I’m going to call you, and you better answer.” “Yeah, okay sure.” “I don’t want to talk to your voicemail, I want to talk to you ne?” “Alright, I will answer.” “Alright then, take care.” I gave him a quick kiss on his mouth and let him drive away, without me. Of course I had called that night and only got his answering machine. So today, it was a little awkward, seeing him pace with such fervor; I knew something was up. And he was all too eager to disappear into the sound booth when Kaoru instructed him to do so. After he got out, he excused himself to use the restroom. I had to take this chance to be alone with him, “Kaoru, I need to get something to drink, I’ll be back okay?” “What, why? There’s water right here?” “Yeah but I want a Coke dammit.” “Die, what are you up to?” “Uhm, getting a coke is what I’m up to?” “Nice cover man. You have five minutes, I’m coming to get you both if you go over the time okay?” Kaoru grinned back in a manner I found most annoying at the moment. “I’ll be right back with a Coke in my hand you ass. Peace out.” I stuck my tongue out at him and I quickly made my exit. I walked through the empty white halls, lined with berber carpet, closing in on the restrooms fast. I waited outside the door a moment, listening in to make sure he wasn’t actually going to the bathroom just then. I didn’t hear anything, so I let myself in slowly. “Shinya? Hey? I need to talk to you alright just-” and there he was again! Swooping in, greeting me with kisses like some horny school boy. This kid surprised the hell out of me sometimes, but I can’t complain. I caught the heated kiss, tongues massaging against each other. I pulled away very reluctantly, “Shinya, why the fuck didn’t you answer you’re phone last night? I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He just smiled at me, one of those rare and lovely smiles. “Yeah I’m a little sore but that’s nothing. Three hours on the drums and I used to pass out cold, there’s no pain I’ve met like that since. And you were so gentle, and didn’t tease me for one minute. It was lovely.” He ran his hands over my chest, as if to feel me through this damn shirt. I put my hand to his jaw, “I have to say I was impressed, you being a virgin to this and all. But seriously, what the hell kept you from picking up?! And the only good excuse would be you were masturbating to the sound of my voice eh?” Another smack to the chest from the able bodied drummer. “Yeah, maybe I was. I was tired you know, exhausted I was, fucking like that…” Soft and sensuous kisses filled the silence. Then I snapped back to reality, “shit, we have to go Kaoru knows were both gone. I have to get a Coke somewhere…” ************** Bwahaha TBC XD. So yeah for more plot and sex! XD! Uhm, some side notes I want to mention I guess, this i sobviously being written around the time that the album 'Kisou' was being created, my favorite album next to Macabre :P okay okay. I have no idea if Kaoru ever does sound editing, that was created just to fit the story lol. And sorry for any lack of knowledge for what goes on in a professional recording studio ^^;;. Uhm, that is all for now, I truly think this will be the best chapter of the story though, I truly outdid myself I believe lmaooo. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 31st, 2008
6:36 pm	So hot right now ^_^. All credit goes to niikyo of You Tube. <3 Current Mood: horny (24 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
10:20 pm	Bottom of the Death Valley Author's Note(^^;; and the n00b award goes to...): This story is told through the POV of Daisuke. I was listening to, duh, 'Bottom of the Death Valley' the whole time I was writing this. This is my first attempt at any kind of fic writing, so be gentle :P. I just love Die, so I wanted to write him as the dark, brooding male always deep in thought lol. I hope I did something like that. And Shinya seems to have taken on my personality, or I've taken on his. Kyo and Kaoru are in this, and I plan on having them in it more. I may try to switch at some point to the POV of Kyo, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that O_o;;. Anywho, feedback on this much would be nice :D. Chapter 1 It was raining an ocean, outside the restaurant. Sitting there I was watching the never endless water pouring out of the sky, it felt refreshing, like taking a shower. My eyes felt they were being bathed and the soothing drops were washing away the thoughts that were collecting and clogging up my mind. I was so desperate to be clean, in a nice hot shower, the feel of the element taking the dirt of my past with it down the drain. I felt aroused, even, just the thought of it filled me with waves of the hungry sensation. But he was not free from my sight, he stayed like a painting. He, mild and feminine, perfection of an angel. Hair as gold as their harps. He was lovely, and there I wanted him. Anything else in my mind was being washed away with the rain, so that they would not taint him. He moves and swims around the water for he is pure and it does not touch him, or change his image. He is my everything, my thing of beauty. All I could see was his lovely face. “Daisuke, I think they’re ready to seat us now, if you wouldn’t fall asleep on us please. And don’t pretend to be asleep and punch me again I swear I’ll do something about it this time.” I had to laugh, which proved my deception of being asleep. He always was trying to prove himself, like he could stand up against me, but of course I knew he could not. Despite the fact he was half my size in body weight, I knew he was also fearful of me. Just being too close to him I could see I made him tremble. I could feel it, he trembled in the way he would if I were about to make love to him, to take him in my arms and hold his body in capture. Just a small bird in my hands. “You’ll do what about it? Throw the food you don’t eat at me? What do you order in restaurants anyway, I know it isn’t food. You can have my coffee if you want eh?” I smiled at him, I couldn’t resist making him feel such intense feelings of annoyance. It was too easy. “Shut up, you know I just don’t eat breakfast.” “Yeah you’re right, you split it up into lunch and dinner maybe.” “You know you’re not looking too good yourself. You’re almost as skinny as I am, and it doesn’t look good on you. You-you look like Kiyoharu or something” he stuttered, making a mess of what might have been a comeback. “Like what? Kiyoharu? Are you trying to insult me or something? I would have thought you’d learn things by now hanging out with me so much. You’re anger is stupid” I laughed more heartily now, making him turn as red as my hair. “I’m not stupid, you-you’re st-stupid.” “Wh-wh-what? I’m sorry I can’t hear you Shinya-chan you’re breaking up.” He crossed his arms in angry protest as I laughed to the point of tears. I don’t know why I enjoyed annoying him so much, maybe because it was that he paid attention to me more when I was talking about him. I had to pull myself together as I noticed the other guys approaching in on us, taking away my precious time alone with Shinya. Kaoru came up first followed by Toshiya who was laughing at a derelict-looking Kyo. Kaoru was smiling to himself about God knows what. I stood up and nodded in their direction and Shinya followed me over. “So they said they’re ready to seat us now, my woman over here told me so.” “DO NOT call me that Daisuke.” He swat my arm with surprising force, he was our drummer for good reason with those arms. “Aie, that was pretty hard eh?” “Man, you guys shut up already you’re pissing me off before I’m even wake” mumbled Kyo. “Kyo, where did you fall asleep last night in the rain gutter outside?” I chuckled. “Yeah with you’re mom and two sisters dickhead. I need a cigarette to put out in you’re eye.” “Wow looks like the sun just came out with Kyo! How do you stay so cheery-faced and gay?” “Because I keep him that way, one night with me and you’ll never be the same, ne Kyo-kun?” Kaoru beamed into Kyo’s face with such malice and adoration at the same time. “I’m gonna punch the dumbass out of you if you don’t get us seated soon, see if I ever sleep with you again if you don’t give me a damn cigarette already, babe.” Kyo growled while looking around for the missing hostess. Kaoru laughed now, clapping his hands together looking sickeningly gleeful. He turned and looked at me. “Sorry, it must be his time of the month. Anway, let’s wave down someone for a table in this dump and we can finally talk about work. Toshiya came up with some excellent music to put to Kyo’s new, sick lyrics I’m really happy about it actually. Wasn’t I right about Toshiya’s new music? Sorry, Totchi, that it took so long for him to come up with the lyrics, I was keeping him busy.” “…yeah his song is awesome, and it was all your stupid fault that you kept distracting me from work, 100% percent you, you twat.” Kyo followed them to the table, following right behind Kaoru as he hissed his reply. “Die, what is it about us that we have to tease our bitches to the point of hysteria?” “Well, Kaoru-san, we’re clearly assholes with bigger dicks right? “Oh yeah that’s it.” He stuck his tongue out at Kyo, who hid behind his sunglasses, smoking his cigarette pretending to be completely indifferent to him. Toshiya was just laughing at them all the whole time.  He took the carton from Kyo and got a smoke for himself and lit it. “This is why I didn’t date inside my band. My girl is safe and sound outside in the real world.” “So wait, where is she?” “At work of course. I’m not going to practice my English with her today, she gave me homework and says I’ll be rewarded if I finish tonight.” He said with a mischievous grin. “Ooookay, gonna stop you right there pervert, who does make good music, but seriously get your mind out of the gutter.” “Look who’s talking, KAORU shut up man!” Toshiya pointed and jeered. “Okay all of you shut up seriously and let’s converse like proper gentlemen in this public place. Kyo, what are you calling this song again?” “Tie Kaoru to a Post and fuck him senselessly up his Ass with Toshiya’s New Bass.” Kyo grinned like mad  into Kaoru’s face and inched closer to him in the booth trying to play sincerity. Kaoru acted out a look of shock on his face, and before he could reply Toshiya shot back, “There is no way in hell you are going anywhere near my bass you sick, crazy bastard. You would be fucked up enough to not be joking I know it.” “Well, first of all, the title is much too long. Second, you know full well I’m never on the receiving end of things. Thirdly, did you completely ignore my request just now for us to talk in a civil manner or must you insist on being a fucking hellion always?” Kaoru was dangerously close to Kyo’s face now, facing him directly. “Wow, are you mad now Kaoru-san? Are you actually the least bit scared that I may really come to you in the night and shove the neck of that guitar up your ass and fuck you with it over and over again until you scream out bloody uncle? Please know I am most sincere in all my threats, I would never turn down the chance to fuck you blindly like a damn animal you asshole.” Kyo took the last, long drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke into Kaoru’s face. All the time I was looking from Kyo to Kaoru and thought to myself I’d never seen such a fiery passion between anyone for anything such as this, like they each wanted the other so badly they would hurt themselves over it. I’ll never know this love, because mine was innocent and most sincere, gentle. When they were together it was like a Tiger and Dragon in the heat of battle. Both fighting for domination. It was always epic and eventful. My love might have seemed boring in comparison, but it was nothing like that for me. I preferred it most, because my life has been full of violence I wanted no part in ever. Thank God for Shinya. “I wish you would both shut up and stop smoking! You fuckers know I hate that.” My attention turned immediately to Shinya next to me, as I’ve never heard him speak so harshly. I think everyone’s attention turned at that point to Shinya, for it was a very rare moment indeed for him to utter so much as a sentence at a time. I looked at him intently and caught his gaze for a second, then Kyo was the first to speak, “Damn Shinya, I just finished mine settle down.” He put the butt of his smoke in the tray on the circular table. Toshiya soon followed chuckling to himself, “Yeah, sorry man.” Kaoru now sat up straight, and took Kyo’s hand in his grasping it firmly, “So, a song title, do you have one?” He said in a more sensuous tone, his mouth lingering near Kyo’s ear. Kyo just smiled to himself, staring at the table. After a moment or two, he looked up. “Yeah, I have one. Bottom of the Death Valley.” “Seriously, where do you come up with this shit? No, don’t answer that I’m sure I don’t want to know.” “So we are agreed, Toshiya, that’s going to be the title?” “Yeah, but really, it’s like he just pulls this stuff out of his ass or something.” “You’d be surprised how much he can fit up there now.” “Ugh, goddamn I set myself up for that one.” Toshiya winced. Kaoru laughed and held his face closer to Kyo’s as if they were pushing themselves as close together as they possibly could. All the while, sitting in their booth at the circular table I didn’t once look away from Shinya. For once, I was speechless through our whole gathering. I’ll never let him know just how much he renders me silent, even though I can talk and goof around just as much as the rest of them. I was finally at peace with him, in his presence. Nothing could phase me, nothing could hurt. I was sitting at the bottom of the death valley, looking up at him in the sky. “Ne, Die, get out so I can get out please?” Shinya blinked at me innocently. “Eh? Oh yeah sorry I’ll move.” “Hey Die, why have you been so catatonic over there? You didn’t say anything over you’re, what, coffee? You really should eat more with recording coming up.” “Eh, don’t feel much like eating Kao.” “Whatever, maybe it’s from your withdrawals.  You shouldn’t stop smoking cold turkey you know.” “…next time you mention me not eating I will punch you in the mouth I swear…” “…but if I have food in there already it’ll end up in your lap Shin-chan. There’s no sense in that.” “Why do you always give me such a hard time?” “I’m desperate for your undivided attention, Shin-chan.” i whispered back. I reached up and brushed his cheek slowly, looking at him with intent in my eyes. The intent of having him all to myself. He pulled his face away, flustered, and continued to walk past me away from our table. Kaoru got up and came to me, with that same pity look he had for me nowadays. “Man, I don’t know how you suffer in silence like this. You let him just get away every time! You stop smoking, eating, you tell everyone he’s yours and yet he still denies you. Has he gotten back to you yet anyway?” “No, and I’m not counting the days. I’ll wait for him, I have all the patience I need, I have nothing but time. As long as he’s around me, watching me somehow I’ll be fine. I don’t care if he ever submits to me, as long as he knows how I really feel. You know he hasn’t come out of the closet yet Kao-kun. He talks about having a family someday, I like that idea too, it just won’t be so traditional eh?” “My friend, you are truly insane now. But I could imagine if we were to switch places and it was Kyo-kun in Shinya’s, I might feel the same way. Yet I want to see you happy, so please don’t go this far off the deep end eh? Stay with us.” “I’m here man, as long as Shinya is.” “Seriously Die, take care of yourself.” I nodded him off and walked towards the entrance of the restaurant. The others followed slowly soon enough. We thanked the servers and paid our tab, said our goodbyes and carried on and so forth. We would start recording in the morning, a new day a new album. More hours to watch Shinya display his inner passion in music, pounding the drums as I wished him to pound me. I longed so much to be on the receiving end of that eagerness for satisfaction. I found myself sitting in the driver’s seat of my car, just staring off in deep thought. I hadn’t put the key in the ignition yet. I un-buckled myself and shot out as if it were about to explode and ran to find Shinya’s car in the lot. My heart thudded to keep up with me, pumping the blood through my veins as soon as possible because I needed it now. I needed him now. I said I would wait as long as it took, but I can’t wait to let him wait. He didn’t know sex with another man, what could he possibly base his decision on? I looked left to right, going in between parked cars, a tiger looking for prey. I finally saw him, third down from a line of cars waiting to get out of this shoddy restaurant’s parking lot. Just as he let off the brakes I ran out in front of him. The car jerked again as he put his foot back down, looking at me accusingly. Some asshole honked behind him, as I walked around to open the door and let myself in. “Daisuke, what the hell are doing?” “Just drive.” “How can you get in MY car and tell me wha-” “GO you’re holding up the line!” Sure enough the same asshole kept honking and I flipped him off good, sticking my hand out the window facing him. I laughed as he was cursing me with his fist and we drove off and away. I pulled my hand back in, still smiling to myself and thinking how ridiculous people can be. Shinya had his shoulders to his ears looking forward, leaning against the steering wheel as if I were about to attack him now. I took him in with my eyes, I think he broke a slight sweat even, moisture collecting at his forehead. Looking into the distance as if trying to pretend I wasn’t there, though he knew full well I was. It did frustrate me, as I would love nothing more than to know how to make him relax. It seemed as if I could do nothing, say nothing to get him to breathe at last. “Daisuke, say something dammit. You scared me half to death just now, I’ve never been more stressed out in my life. What the hell do you want from me? I can’t seem to satisfy you, you never leave me alone. I’m always worried you’re going to jump out from a bush and rape me or something. Can’t you just back off?! I’m not ready yet! I’ve never even been with a man before, and I don’t like the idea of being on the ‘receiving end’ of anything! And I’m not putting your dick in my mouth either so say something dammit!” At first, I felt more speechless than ever before with him. Then I couldn’t stop laughing. “Daisuke, you’re really pissing me off now! Are you crazy or something?! I’m not bringing you back to my house no way-” “Shinya, it is your turn to shut up now and  I promise you can continue you’re rant when I’m done. This is not about me wanting to have sex with you. This is about you being afraid of having sex with me. I want to be with you, to show you there’s nothing to be afraid of. I love you in all the most sincere forms. I love just being in your presence, that is enough to make me content. I can’t lie to you though, I desire to make love to you but I want only for you to want it as much as I do. Until then, I want you only as company. And I will wait, aching in longing for your body, yes, but I will wait. If you really can’t stand the thought of being my boyfriend, then you can let me off at this next corner and I’ll catch a bus home and get my car tomorrow.” I sat there in silence again, watching for any movement, waiting for his response. He sat there, and let out a sigh. His shoulders dropped some, and he sat with a knowing look on his face, still staring straight ahead as if in thought. We were approaching the corner, and I was preparing to leave. The streetlight was yellow, soon to be red. I went to unbuckle my seatbelt in defeat, but even as the light turned red the car was still moving. I looked up puzzled, had Shinya just gone through a red light? I looked at him, but he continued staring straight ahead, still calm, with that look of all-knowing still there. “Shinya, you just ran through a red light you know. Are you okay? Do you need me to drive or what?” But he didn’t answer me, he just kept driving. A few blocks later, we pulled up to bar, posters hanging like paintings next to the entrance. This club, I had been here before, I knew it well. One of our first few performances were held at this bar. I became nostalgic just looking at it. After awhile, Shinya finally spoke. “You remember this bar?” I put my hand to my mouth and caressed my lips, thinking of the drinking I had indulged in, the one time Shinya had punched me in the mouth because he was drunk and mad, and then how we both embraced outside, right there, laughing at our ridiculous state. “Of course I do. That was the last time I saw you really comfortable being around me. You should get drunk with me more often.” “Yes, well, it was the first time we held each other as well. I’d like you to remember it as that. That, would also be the very first time I questioned my sexuality.” “Really? Didn’t know I had that effect on people.” I turned to look at him now more fully, with a slight smile. He was still looking straight ahead at the bar. He lifted his head a little and let out another deep breath. “I underestimated since then just how loveable you are. You annoy me to the point of tears yet you have such a comforting, loving nature…walk me through this, Die, and please take it slow. I am scared. And I hope for the love of God you won’t tease me about it.” He turned to look at me now in all seriousness. My smile grew as he looked at me scared, and I couldn’t help but enjoy it fully. I just sat there with the stupid smile on my face. “Well, you can’t just instruct someone in this like their about to use a computer or something. This is life, you learn only by experience. So I’ll take you and show you, step by step, you can do it to me first if you’d like. I can only talk you through the scared part, I will calm you, I will listen to you.  You just let me know the minute you feel uncomfortable okay? I have to be honest, unless you really know what you’re doing it’s almost impossible to get it on in a car-” I was stopped when something swooped down upon my mouth. Lips were soon grazing on mine, feeling every corner of my mouth. The sensation was electric, pulsating through my veins and atop my skin. Immediately I was hungry. I had not eaten for days and I was desperate for a hot meal. Shinya had not known what he had gotten himself into that minute. One of my arms wrapped around his slim waist, and the other met the base of his head, my fingers intertwining with his head of gold hair, as I moved my body in even closer to deepen the kiss. I started to eat him, nibbling away at his mouth, his face and then working on his neck. First by the ear and then down towards his chest. I heard him groan softly and never could I remember being more turned on in my life. I would do anything at that point to get him as aroused as I was, if not more… TBC! Oooo XD So, that was it. Yeah, I made Toshiya straight this time, for some reason I've always seen him as the straight one of the group. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, as I was saying I was thinking of possibly continuing it, and then maybe work Kyo's POV in there, hmmhmm :3. (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
10:26 pm	The sweetest thing "...brown eyed boy, meets a blue eyed girl. 000oooOOOhhh, the sweetest thiiing." Haha, I love singing on the computer. And yeah I know the lyrics don't go like that but I had to change it for my convenience. I have an interesting conundrum to contemplate so what better place to do it than, of course. livejournal. So, my day was most unusual. I woke up early, went along with my everyday routine up until the last half hour before work. I started to feel like my whole body was a bundle of opened nerves, and it was hard to breathe. I was so scared I was quite perplexed. Of what?! Oh, that's right. It was the last day I would work with my lovely boss. Yes, that's right, he's LEAVING my store. The reason I get up and go to work is leaving back to his Starbucks in Watsonville. I was devastated. Okay well not terribly, but it is going to be much less interesting at my store. AND NO GUYS are there now. I'M FUCKING ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY VAGINAS. I'm so over it. I wish I could by naked manwhores just so all I could see is penis, but no. That is most unfortunately too costly. Anyway, back to my story. I had prepared for this day by buying him a pack of Sherman's Havana Ovals to smoke, being a classy gentlemen with the finest ass I've ever seen. All kinds of chaos was soon going down around me as my mother and brother can never stop bickering these days, so I finally said, "SHUT UP! Someone take me to work Jesus." Then I'm freaking out all the way to work, how am I going to give him his present, when am I going to profess my infatuation, but no I can't be free to be freaking out because my fucking Mom was having Menopause right then. FUCKIN' A** VAGINAS.  So I get out and get to work. I see him just standing over some paperwork and immediately run to hide in the bathroom to compose myself for a minute. I go outside and have a cigarette, and then go back in and desperately want to jump him the moment he says, "Hey Kerry, what did you do to your hair? It looks awesome..." come on, that was something of a flirtatious comment, right? Of course I replied with a simple, "Oh thanks! I didn't do anything really..." when I wanted to say, "What? Tug-a-lug on my hair bitch while you take me on this damn counter let's go NOW." but of course I'm not so vulgar. So we get on at work, I'm touching him whenever possible, getting as close as I can as usual, when he somehow starts talking about last weekend to my shift supervisor. "So how'd it go? I mean, aren't you upset?" "Well not really, my girlfriend broke with me what, last Sunday? It's been a week, I've had time to think about it, and it was something that was coming on for awhile now anyway..." WHAT. I immediately freak out internally. I would have been ecstatic about this news if he hadn't followed it up with, "oh and my old friend called like five minutes afterward and we set up a kind of date thing, man I can't stay single for one day it's great." God dammit. It's like he wants to unconciously kick me around. It is suspicious that he says all this shit when i'm there. Guys do confuse the shit out of me sometimes. It's like, are they really that oblivious or just pretending to be? So then after I get back from my break, he tells everyone that he's leaving an HOUR EARLY, even though I had a whole scenario planned out to woo him after our shift(he was originally scheduled to leave the same time I did), and I was like WTF NO. I told him I had a present for him, like the fag that I am, I go and get it, luckily he makes a big fuss over it and loves it so much that I get to hugs. FINALLY. And then he leaves, and I'm stuck with my other fucking supervisor that I will call Daffy. Daffy is kind of made of douchebaggery. Yes he is. So there's my story. It's retarded I know. I had to yell at someone, who better than facebook lol. TO BE CONTD.... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
10:21 am	Sex boom boom! XD Oh my goodness, I'll never say another word again ever about being lonely after last night! XD. Sorry it was just too good not to tell someone so what better place than livejournal :P. So, this has some back story which I will cover quickly. I basically got high like two weeks ago and decided to post an ad on craigslist under 'casual encounters'. I specifically wanted to find hot, SINGLE Japanese guys but felt I would be flagged as a racist so, just made a post that I was looking for hot secks XD. I woke up the next morning to find 85 FUCKING E-MAIL MESSAGES in my inbox. In Santa Cruz alone. So I weeded through it all finding the most colorful of people who sent pics(a lot of these guys were customers from my Starbucks!! I lol'd so hard and now it's most awkward to see them in the store. No I did not post a pic of myself in the ad so I remain anonymous.), even some sent naked pics, which were actually not bad XD. Anyway, I narrowed it down eventually to maybe three or four different guys. One was actually Japanese but I never received a response back ;_; waited to long or whatever. One is downtown and is a rather fit-looking bartender. The other is an ambitious rock climber, but lives in Mountain View which is at least a half an hour away from where I am and I find that most annoying as I do not do long distance anything. The other lives on the West Side and is very persistent and I have no idea what he looks like, but he could be good for something very casual so I keep him around. So this back story has gone on long enough so let's speed up to last night: So I finally agree to go meet this fit-looking bartender(I've actually only seen his head shot so I don't know what kind of bod he's working with), who works at a gay bar XDDD which I find most odd. But hey, I assume he's just a very accepting, open-minded individual which I appreciate. So the first time I walk by I actually get intimidated, because this is a very classy-looking, cool bar and I'm all by myself, this spazzy 21-yr-old. I decide to keep walking and go next door into the Gap to give myself a pep talk but the Gap is CLOSED. Guh. I roll my eyes and just head right back there and go on in. I head right to an open bar stool and sit myself down, when I am greeted with a, "Hello there Kerry,". And I think to meself for a minute, 'hey that sounds like a sexy voice-OMG." And I see this fit looking bartender indeed, who very much resembles a rock star. Actually he reminds me very much of some cross between a younger Nikki Six and Vince Neil XDDD. Anyway, I was not disappointed and got free beer! XD if anything I found the most awesomest bar hook up of free drinks wooot. So we ended up having a nice chat, he was very touchy-feely, and I being the over-sexed vixen that I am did not deny him a stitch. Unfortunately he was working until 1 a.m. so I couldn't wait for him to get off work :P. So as we were finishing up the small talk, this hot azn chick walks in and says hi to him. I look at her at first like, wtf bitch why you killin' my game? But then he introduces her to me, "Kerry I'd like you to meet Minx." (I must say he was quite good about introducing me to his friends, of which he had like 20 million of) I look at her, and unfortunately I was really tipsy off the beer so I was already a little surly, "Who names their kid Minx?" it could have gone either way, and luckily she found me to be hilarious so I went with that. After talking for awhile I realized that I found her quite attractive, and somehow the conversation steers to, "So, are you bi or what?" and without thinking I say, "Yes." And then she asks "well, would you like to dance?" and I say, "I'll do my best, be gentle it's my first time." And more laughs ensue. So we end up going off together and dancing(I very much recommend the Dakota for dancing, awesome floor and good DJs), and being more under the influence than not we get a little closer and start MAKING OUT. Not the gross like porn star status make out but definitely some tasteful tongue. And I am like immediately into it. Rather surprised at myself for open tongue kissing a complete stranger in public I pull back and actually apologize, looking like a virgin or something lmao. And she was like, "are you kidding me? Get back over here!" and we are back at it, plus some groping thrown in there. I felt like I was back in the 70s at studio 54 or something. Anywho, I finally manage to break away at 11 or so and give her my number and tell her that we should re-schedule. I say goodbye to fit-looking bartender again, who claims that was the hottest thing he's ever seen and I say thanks XD. So now it is the next morning and I must say, I still think Minx is hot XD. So now I must add to my list of self discoveries as an adult that I am most likely bi. Or at least very sexual indeed XDDD lmao. I could just imagine the look on my grandparents faces when I introduce them to my JAPANESE girlfriend, I'd get such a kick out of that. So that's my story. To add to that I had an interesting conversation with two different people about Astrology. This astrologer to the stars recently did a lecture at the Gateways bookstore and made a good point, that back in the day, the astrological calendar actually began with Sagittarius, meaning that everyone is actually born under the sun sign previous to them. Example, I'm born on June 8, under the supposed sun sign of Gemini. But if I were to count Sagittarius instead of Capricorn as the beginning of the calendar year, then that means I'm actually born under the sign of Taurus, the sign before Gemini. O_O doesn't that blow your mind?! And it's funny, because when I was reading about Taurus it sounded so much more like my personality than Gemini. So very much so. HOW ODD. This is what I mean when I say Western astrology has too many holes in it, and that Chinese Astrology is so much more accurate. One more point to tha supa azns XD. Oh man. This past week has been crazy stressful, so I'm glad I got to kick off the beginning of July with some hot action XDD. So much good stuff is goin down, for instance Harry and the Potters and Uncle Monsterface are coming to SF on July 18th, my friend Angela's wedding is on the 19th, and so on. :D! Hoorays. I just wish Dir en grey had come back this year. ;__; Daisuke will be my secksy manwhore slave one day muahaha XD. Because I am a pirate. Current Mood: pleased (Comment on this)